Couples Therapy
by soulstress
Summary: A relationship counsellor has moved into Bayville, who her first clients will be? Thats it bayvilles troubled mutant population![Romy, Lancitty, Jonda, Jott, Jubby, Rolo and Evietro & Msytiquemagneto done] and now Death By CPOOPGaP [COMPLETE]
1. Death By Boredom

Disclaimer: eat my shorts lawyer dudes cos I don't own nada! Wait I don't have any shorts, fine trousers! Oh not that pair I like those!! Nope not that pair either....  
  
This is just a piece of total randomness that entered my head and kept bugging me until I wrote it...damn thoughts  
  
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An office downtown Bayville somewhere..........  
  
9am  
  
Marsha Wainethrop had just finished organizing her office.  
  
Today was the first day her relationship counselling practice opened, her leaflets had been distributed, and she should be having loads of troubled couples in very soon.  
  
3 hours later....  
  
'Where are all the fricking troubled couples???????'  
  
3 more hours later.....  
  
Marsha finished the 8ft tower of pencils that had taken her the past 3 hours to build. Resigned to the fact that she probably wouldn't be making any money today she started to pack up her stuff.  
  
((Phone rings))  
  
Marsha lunged across her office, knocking over the pencil tower, and picked up the phone.  
  
"Hello, Marsha Wainthrop's office, Doris speaking how can I help you?" she said in a high pitched voice. She listened to a voice on the other line for a while before replying "You want to book and appointment for tomorrow at 10am, hmm let me see if anything's available" she put the receiver next to some papers she was rustling "your in luck, we've had a cancellation, we'll see you tomorrow at 10 then, Bye!"  
  
Marsha put the phone down and started dancing round the office  
  
"Oh yea, ah ha, I got clients whoo hoooooo!"  
  
She looked at all the pencils on the floor, she would have to tidy up.  
  
"Crap" she muttered as she bent down to pick them up  
  
((Phone rings))  
  
Marsha did a few more steps to her 'happy dance' and went to book in her next clients.  
  
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Now which evo couples would you like to see put through the torture of visiting a relationship counsellor? Vote via review and tell me  
  
Couple with the most votes will start off the proceedings and so on...  
  
Fiver says its romy.....they need it 


	2. Romy aka Death By Stapler

**Disclaimer** – I only own the shrink, and the idea every thing else belongs to that guy ::points in the direction of the suit in the corner::  
  
First of all ..sorry! I know I posted this ages ago I just haven't had time to update! Initially I was going to update my other fic, but then I noticed that 20 people had bothered voting for this, so anyone reading that will have to keep wondering 'Lance and Betsy? Is she crazy!!?!?!', cos this baby's getting some chapters!!  
  
And now...Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, the winner by a mile is........................  
  
ROMY!!!!!!! (everyone gimme a fiver!)  
  
Lancitty came second so ill post this one next,( I'm just dying to get all the ideas ive got for this one written up)  
  
Keep voting for whichever couples you want, I will eventually have one dealing with scott and jean (the possibilities::grins evilly:: ) I will get round to writing them eventually, promise!  
  
I've had loads of votes for jonda, I am dying to write this one but I can't seem to think of a way to set this up so you guys can help, read the review left by Morrigan Fearn should it be along those lines? And what about toad???  
  
It's up to you guys anyway, and now....Romy and therapy, the two really shouldn't mix......  
  
'im bored' = thoughts  
  
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**Romy a.k.a Death By Stapler**

Marsha tapped her pencil on her desk as she waited for her first appointment of the day to show up. She was about to have a swig of her coffee when the door to her office opened, and in walked the most gorgeous guy she had ever seen.  
  
"Mornin' " said the guy  
  
Marsha practically ran to his side, "Hello you must be Mr Le Beau, it's so nice to meet you..." Whilst looking him up and down (perv) Marsha had noticed the colour of his eyes, red on black. She blinked and took a step back "You're a mutant..."  
  
'Merde' Remy gave his most charming smile, "That don't bother you none does it Miss....?"  
  
Marsha tore herself away from disarming gaze to respond "Wainthrope, but you can call me Marsha, I'm just surprised that's all. My second cousin John is a mutant, fire power or something like that. Do you know him?"  
  
Remy looked at her in surprise "Er.. no....Remy don't know no psycho John" he coughed to cover his blunder "Shall we?"  
  
"Er.. yes of course take a seat" she motioned to the chair opposite her desk, "But where's your partner?" Marsha fluttered her eyelashes "If she's not coming I'm sure I can help you anyway..." she finished her sentence with a suggestive smile  
  
Remy grinned at the women 'oh yea, all de filles just love a little Cajun spice' he thought to himself. "Don' worry bout' Chere, she'll be here." He took out a card and began to twirl it between his fingers.  
  
Marsha was thinking of another way to flirt with the man when a girl stalked through the door with her arms crossed, and sat herself in the seat next to Remy with a pronounced 'hmph'.  
  
The girl was wearing black trousers, a purple top and gloves. She had a distinctive white stripe in her hair, and was currently sending death glares at the guy next to her.  
  
Remy just gave her a flirty smile, which seemed to piss her off even more. She turned to Marsha.  
  
"Can we get this ovah with already?"  
  
Marsha was a bit startled at the girl's hostility, but then regained her composure.  
  
"Ok..well, I just need to take a few details, Mr Le Beau?"  
  
"Oh please, call me Remy"  
  
Marsha gave a little giggle, which caused Rogue's eyebrows to shoot up.  
  
"Ok well ... Remy "::giggle:: "If you could just fill out this form with your Name, Address, Home Phone number..."  
  
Remy took the paper while Rogues glared at her. "Do yah wan't me tah fill out one of those forms too?"  
  
"Oh, no ...?"  
  
"Rogue."  
  
'what kind of name is that? Marsha thought "Rogue... one will be enough."  
  
She took the form back off Remy, and looked it over. "Oh Remy.... You forgot to tell me your age."  
  
'This fille is so obvious' Remy gave her another charming smile "19" he replied. 'Might as well get her on my side now.'  
  
"Really?" Marsha leaned across the desk and looked at him adoringly "You know you look so much more mature, and manly. I'm only 21 mysel-"  
  
"Ah-hem!"  
  
Marsha snapped out of her reverie, to find Rogue glaring at her whilst tapping her fingers on the desk.  
  
"Yah gonna flirt all day with him, or are yah actually gonna do yah job?"  
  
"I was not! I was just- "Marsha struggled for a defence, failing miserably she decided to get on with it.  
  
"So...what bring you two to relationship counselling?"  
  
"He said that if Ah came he'd stop following meh around "a bored looking Rogue said before Remy could open his mouth to speak.  
  
"Y' see Ms Wainthrope-"  
  
"Marsha"  
  
"Marsha – Remy thinks dat' Rogue be denyin' her feelins fo' me, just because of her mutation."  
  
Marsha gave Rogue an enquiring glance  
  
"Ah can't touch people, when Ah do, Ah absorb your memories and stuff as well as knocking yah out for a while."  
  
"Ah yes, having a physical barrier on a relationship can put incredible strain on it-"  
  
Rogue scoffed and started laughing "What relationship? He tried to kill meh when we first met, and now all he does is follow meh around annoying meh, telling meh that ::Imitating Remy's accent:: 'he's bin watchin' me" like a freaky stalker or something "  
  
"Y' words hurt me chere, y' know Remy's just looking out fo' y'"  
  
Marsha looked shocked.  
  
"You tried to kill her???"  
  
Remy gave her another flirty smile "Non, Chere got it all wrong, Remy jus' wanted t' make her aware of his presence."  
  
Marsha dreamily looked at Remy, "That is just so sweet" She turned to face Rogue.  
  
"Now what exactly are your feelings for Remy?"  
  
"Ah can sum up what Ah think about him in four words" she held up four gloved fingers, putting each one down as she said a word. "Pain. In. Mah. Ass."  
  
"Hmm...interesting, well Remy why don't you do the same. Sum up your thoughts about Rogue in four words."  
  
Remy turned to Rogue, took her hand and looked into her eyes "Beautiful. Intelligent. Brave..." he trailed off, Rogue was hanging on his every word, he kissed her gloved hand "....and Sexy"  
  
Rogue blushed. But then quickly wrenched her hand out of his grasp. "Oh Ah get it now. Don't think Ah'm stupid enough tah fall for yah charm powers Swamp Rat!" she said angrily, "Face it Sugah, Ah'm just the one girl yah couldn't win over!"  
  
"Chere y' the only fille Remy wants..." Remy said suggestively  
  
Rogue sent Remy a look that clearly said she would like to chop him into a million pieces. Marsha decided to move things along before that happened.  
  
"I think I see what the problem here is. Remy you clearly do have deep emotional feelings for Rogue, as your choice of words showed, however Rogue feels that she and her powers are just another challenge for you-  
  
"Damn straight" Rogue interjected  
  
"...- however as you were talking to her, It seem as if she has some underlying feelings for you, in the way she refuses to make eye contact with you."  
  
"Wait what now?"  
  
Marsha ignored the interruption and continued to talk over Rogue "This body language clearly shows that she has feelings that she doesn't want to admit."  
  
Rogue looked heavily pissed off now "AH DON'T HAVE ANY FEELINGS FOR HIM!" she shouted  
  
Marsha looked at her sceptically "I suspect your mutation is the reason for your denial."  
  
"WHAT!? Im not in denial!"  
  
"See what I mean" said Marsha to Remy  
  
"See dis is what Remy bin' saying to y' all along Chere" Remy said smugly, he loved being right.  
  
"This is so stupid!" said Rogue frustratedly "Ah can't believe Ah'm hearing this...and you!" she turned to face Remy "Don't look so happy and get it through yah skull, we can't have a relationship, ah mean ah can't even touch-"  
  
"Chere don't worry about that, Remy can hook y' up wid' a lovely mesh catsuit." Remy gave her another suggestive smile that served to piss her off even more  
  
"You are so dead Swamp Rat ....!"  
  
Marsha rubbed her head as she watched the two of them bicker, 'I so need some aspirin'. She decided to pass the time by staring at Remy, she learned from past experience never to interrupt in these fights, it always got violent.  
  
She winced as Rogue tried to punch Remy out. 'And I thought I had issues...'  
  
"Ah've had it with this!" Rogue stood up and made to walk out of the door when something caught her eye, something that pissed her off more then anything the Cajun had said today.  
  
"ARE YOU TRYIN TAH PLAY FOOTSIE WITH MAH MAN???"  
  
Marsha quickly pulled her feet away, "Er...no?" she said weakly.  
  
"DIE!"  
  
"Ahhh!" Marsha yelped and jumped out off her seat as Rogue dove across the desk in an attempt to throttle her.  
  
"Chere! I knew y' cared!" Remy said happily as Rogue chased Marsha around the office with a stapler.  
  
"Come back here yah hussie!"  
  
"I was just trying to demonstrate that you do have feelings for him! I swear that's all!" Marsha ran behind Remy, "Save me!" she squealed.  
  
Remy laughed "If y' think she wont hurt Remy in order t' get to y, then y' really haven't being paying attention t' our relationship!"  
  
"WHAT RELATIONSHIP!?!" Rogue screamed as she made another dive for Marsha.  
  
"Chere y' said it y'self, Remy be yo' man!"  
  
Rogue grabbed Marsha in a headlock and then paused "Oh yeah that's true."  
  
"Er.... can you let me go please!" Marsha ventured weakly.  
  
"C'mon Chere, let's go out fo' dinner." Remy offered Rogue his arm, Rogue looked like she would rather kill Marsha first. Dropping Marsha's head she walked right past Remy, "Only if yah paying". She walked out the door.  
  
Remy grinned as he handed over $50 to Marsha, who was cowering behind her desk.  
  
"Nice work Mademoiselle."  
  
"Anytime" Marsha said weakly , before she collapsed onto the floor. When she was sure they were both gone. She peeked over her desk to see her office looking totally trashed.  
  
"Oh crud"  
  
That aspirin was looking real good right now.  
  
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Review and tell me what you think, keep voting on other couples you want put through the misery of therapy, and Marsha's tendancy to flirt with anything with a pulse of course.  
  
If you've got anything you want to happen to said couples whilst in therapy, stick that in as well  
  
Keep coming with the Jonda ideas!. 


	3. Lancitty aka Death By Pencil

**Disclaimer** – **I lost that thing that says I don't own anything ::pulls paper from pocket:: ah! Here it is, eggs , milk , coffee....wait a minute...  
**  
Wow I guess you guys really love this huh? Thanks to Frost-Bite hurts, Lyrafan, Peace215, Lunarious, sickmindedsucker, Rogue14, pandora's sorrow (nice name), Goofn1, crazyspacytracey, DemonRogue13, Morrigan Fearn, Anamaniaz and Star-of Chaos for reviewing the last chapter!  
  
And now my twisted ideas for a Lancitty therapy  
  
'oobie doobie doobie' = thoughts  
  
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**Lancitty a.k.a Death by Pencil**

Marsha had just tidied up everything in her office, when a knock came on the door. 'Ah this must be my next appointment' she first thought. 'Please don't be cute, please don't be cute...' she thought second.  
  
She threw open the door to find a petite brunette stand there with a big smile on her face.  
  
"Hello you must be my 11 'o' clock, Pryde?"  
  
"Hi! Nice to meet you! I'm Kitty" Kitty stuck out her hand for Marsha to shake.  
  
Marsha took her hand and then looked around Kitty. "But where is your partner?"  
  
"Huh?" Kitty turned round to see no-one standing behind her. She stalked out of the doorway and back into the street to see Lance running away.  
  
"LANCE ALVERS YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"  
  
Marsha watched in shock as the girl cornered the boy and dragged him back to her office. She put her hands in her face in despair 'why do I always get the crazy ones?' She went to take a seat behind her desk, she could feel her headache getting worse, and she still hadn't found that damn aspirin.  
  
"Sorry about that!" Kitty said apologetically as she dragged the boy through the doorway. 'Oh poo!' thought Martha, he had to be cute, he reminded her of the guy she dated back in high school, oh yea....he was so hot...bad boys...ya gotta love em' She snapped out of her daydream to see that Lance had hooked himself on the door way and was refusing to let go, 'what is with guys and therapy anyway? 'she thought as she watched his muscles work.  
  
Kitty finally managed to get Lance off the doorway, and into a chair where he sat down with a ' I so don't wanna be here look'. As soon as Kitty took her seat Lance jumped up again ('nice reflexes' thought Marsha) and ran for the door. To her surprise, Kitty disappeared through the floor and reappeared right on the other side of the doorway, blocking Lance's progress.  
  
Lance sighed and turned back to his seat 'Why do I have to do this again?" he pouted  
  
"Because it's a totally good idea, duh!" said Kitty brightly  
  
"My Ass" retorted Lance as he sat down  
  
"Is very nice..." said Marsha quietly, staring at it as he took a seat.  
  
"What did you say?" asked Kitty quickly, a frown on her face  
  
"Um...uh...It's very nice to meet you" she extended a hand towards Lance, who shook it. 'Strong hands' Marsha thought to herself as Lance was trying to pull his hand away.  
  
Kitty frowned again, she thought Rogue was being stupid when she said that the shrink 'was a big high-fahluting hussie who's after mah man!' . She decided to keep a close watch on this women. Kitty grabbed Lance's hand and phased it though Marsha's,  
  
"Shall We?" said Kitty, her voice losing her perky edge.  
  
Marsha gave her best fake smile "Sorry was just daydreaming for a second there." 'Gees...possessive much?' Marsha thought about Kitty  
  
"Ok...Now what brings you two to couples therapy?" she asked succinctly  
  
"Well I, like, heard my friend was going so I decided to book an appointment too, seeing as me and MY" Kitty put major emphasis on the word, "boyfriend tend to have a few problems."  
  
Marsha nodded understandingly, then a thought hit her. "This friend of yours..."  
  
"Oh you know Rogue don't you?" Kitty said sweetly as she watched the fear cross Marsha's face. 'That's it bitch, I'm onto you...'  
  
"Um..yes lovely girl..ah-hem" Marsha replied fearfully, her eyes flitting round the room, as if fearing Rogue might suddenly appear. Marsha reached over and picked the stapler off the desk, and put it in her drawer. 'Just in case... come on Marsha self-control, you can do it.'  
  
Lance snickered as he watched Marsha compulsively put the stapler away, they had just met Rogue and Gambit on the way here, with Rogue ranting that she should have 'shoved that stapler up her ass'.  
  
"Now what exactly are these problems, you mentioned?" Marsha said trying her best to be professional, notepad at the ready.  
  
"Well...we kind of fight on different teams, and our friends don't , like, really get along and stuff-"  
  
"Understatement of the year" quipped Lance  
  
"- which means that having a relationship is kind of hard, so we end up breaking up a lot."  
  
"What do you mean by different teams?" asked Marsha  
  
"Well were both mutants and Lance works for a crazy guy, who like thinks mutants are better then humans, and I'm on the side of a guy who thinks we should be able to co-exist peacefully." explained Kitty  
  
Marsha noted this down, "Okay, it think I'm getting it. Lance does it bother you that Kitty calls your leader crazy?"  
  
"Nope, he really is." Said Lance bluntly  
  
"Ok? Hmm...right," she wrote this down too "now disapproval of friends and family is one of the main contributors of a relationship break up, so that would explain the consecutive break-ups. Tell me, when you have to fight against each other, what do you do.?"  
  
"We usually fake fight until we can get into an abandoned building and then we make out" said Lance, a happy smile coming over his face "Hoo yea..."  
  
"What if there are no abandoned buildings?" asked Marsha  
  
"Hello? Mutant fights always take place on construction sites or around abandoned buildings, duh!" said Kitty  
  
Marsha blinked "Oh yeah that's true. Okay, now as I said social disapproval can put a strain on the relationship, but seeing as you guys continuously break-up, there are probably other things as well." She handed each of them a piece of paper and a pen, "Now I want you to write down 5 things you don't like about each other, and be honest."  
  
While they were writing, Marsha passed the time by drawing a picture of Lance for her...personal collection. Seeing as she couldn't think of a good reason for taking a Polaroid, she thanked god for her brilliant art skills, if she could have only got one of Remy too....  
  
Kitty who had finished writing her 5 reasons put her piece of paper down, seeing as Lance still hadn't finished yet, she killed a little time by watching Marsha, who kept glancing at Lance and then back down at her paper very often. Wondering what she was concentrating so hard on, Kitty phased through the floor and then back behind Marsha, her eyes opened wide when she saw what Marsha was doing.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?"  
  
Marsha jumped about 5 feet as Kitty shouted, looking up to see a very angry girlfriend, Marsha decided that the best tactic would be to run.  
  
She jumped out of her chair as Kitty lunged for her. Kitty grabbed the pencil Marsha was using and chased her round the room with it threatening to phase it into her brain. Lance leaned over the desk to see what Marsha had been doing.  
  
"Hey this is pretty good I never knew I was so cute" he said. Lance was just about to help the shrink, who had dived under the table as Kitty attempted to phase her through the floor, when he saw Kitty's 5 reasons on the desk.  
  
Both Marsha and Kitty paused as the office began to shake. Lance turned towards Kitty.  
  
"YOU THINK I'M A HOOD!?!" he shouted  
  
"Only sometimes" answered Kitty meekly  
  
"Oh...sorry Kitty I forgot, I'M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!"  
  
"Hey don't start on me, it's not my fault you totally trashed the school parking lot, and almost killed Scott!" Kitty shouted back  
  
"Don't even talk to me about Summers! Toad was right, he always poisons your mind against me!"  
  
"Oh so your taking love advice from Toad now!?!" Kitty exclaimed "The guys gets thrown into a wall by Wanda, like, a hundred times everyday!"  
  
Marsha watched the argument between the two, wondering how the hell she could make them shut up to stop the rumbling in her head, and how the hell she could make the office stop rumbling.  
  
She watched with interest as Lance prevented Kitty from coming near him, by throwing a chair in her path, by moving the ground and not the chair.  
  
'Ahh that explains the rumbling' she thought as she watched Kitty try to pacify Lance , who was about to walk out the door.  
  
"Lance! Wait! I never thought you weren't good enough me!" she shouted  
  
"Forget it, we are so through!"  
  
Marsha decided that even though the girl had tried to kill her for no reason whatsoever, she should still do her job, besides she hadn't been paid yet.  
  
"Wait!" she shouted, both Lance and Kitty turned on her.  
  
"WHAT?"  
  
Marsha led them back to their seats, "the point of the exercise was to determine why you guys keep breaking up" she noticed both had opened there mouths to continue the shouting so she hurriedly continued "However seeing as you two keep getting back together, there are probably loads of things you like about each other too. So I want you to write those down too."  
  
Both gave her dirty looks but they did the task anyway.  
  
While they were writing Marsha inconspicuously leaned over to Lance "So what exactly can you do with that power of yours? "she asked suggestively.  
  
Lance gave her a 'wouldn't you like to know' look, causing Marsha to blush. A sudden growling alerted her to Kitty's presence, she decided to move this along quickly seeing as Kitty still had her pencil in her hand.  
  
"Now swap lists" said Marsha, not taking her eyes off the pencil.  
  
They swapped the lists.  
  
"You think I'm cute?" they both said at the same time  
  
"Aww, Lance you wrote I always make you smile "said Kitty happily "You are just so sweet!"  
  
"You wrote that too!"  
  
Both suddenly looked very loved up. As they leaned in to kiss each other Marsha blew on her fingernails 'Oh yea I'm good'  
  
She noticed that Lance and Kitty hadn't broken away from each other yet. "Er...guys?" Instead of getting a reply she watched in horror as Kitty threw everything off her desk with one swipe, and then dragged Lance on top of it.  
  
"I just tidied that!" exclaimed Marsha "Will you two stop groping on my desk!" Both continued to ignore her. "I'm gonna have to charge you extra if you insist on doing it on my desk you know" she shouted, hoping they were cheap.  
  
Lance moved his hand into Kitty's back trouser pocket, pulled out a wad of notes, slammed them down on the desk and then waved his hand at Marsha, motioning for her to go away, all without removing his mouth from Kitty's.  
  
Marsha sighed and picked up the money. "What the heck it's time for lunch anyway."  
  
Getting her coat she strode out of her again very messy office, but not before pulling out her Polaroid camera and taking a few pictures that would definitely end up in her personal collection.  
  
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REVIEW!!! and tell me what you think of this chapter and also keep voting for couples you want and send in ideas for what you want marsha to do to them cos I'd love to include them:)  
  
All jonda fans will be happy to know I thought of a set-up! So you can probably guess who Marsha will meet when she's out at lunch! 


	4. Jonda aka Death By Spatula

**Disclaimer – All power corrupts, but absolute power corrupts absolutely. What do you mean that's not what goes here? It's a good proverb, so write it down and remember it or ill kill you all, ok not all of you - just you, you, oh and you your funny looking...**  
  
Y' all wanted it so here it is, the popular fandom coupling of JONDA!!  
  
Thanks a bunch to Rogue14, Pandora's Sorrow, Goldylokz, frost-bite hurts, Peace 215, Goofn1, Morrigan Fearn, DemonRogue13, Lyrafan and Star-of-Chaos for reviewing the last chapter, feed back and suggestions are always cherished so keep reviewing.  
  
For those of you who wanted me to update 'Tempest', tis' done so go check it out!  
  
Thanks to Morrigan Fearn, Pandora's Sorrow and Lyrafan for their suggestions which have been duly used in this fic.  
  
'coo coo cachoo' = thoughts  
  
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**Jonda a.k.a Death By Spatula**  
  
Marsha hummed to herself on her way to the food court. She was obviously in a very good mood having snuck over to Remy's apartment a few minutes ago and getting a few pictures of the man himself in the shower as well as a pair of his boxers.  
  
She took a seat outside a café opposite a burger bar and began to scan the menu. 'Hmmm...what shall I have?" She was just about to call a waiter over when she heard someone shout her name.  
  
"Marsha!" she turned around to see a man with red hair in a bright orange jumpsuit, her second – cousin John. He ran over to her laughing insanely.  
  
"Hello Sheila how are ya?" he said  
  
"John you look so...orange?" Marsha spluttered "Oh my god did you escape from jail again!" she gasped hitting him the chest  
  
Pyro looked down at his outfit and grinned "No this is just my uniform, I ...err burnt all my other clothes, it was really funny ahahaha, it was like here they are and then 'whoosh' where did they go?" Marsha watched him with apprehension, as he laughed at the demise of his clothing, he never had been the most stable person.  
  
She was just about to leave to get away from the frickin' looney when something caught her eye. Pulling John down to take a seat next to her, she put the menu in front of their faces, hiding them from view to those on the sidewalk.  
  
"Hey! What gives!" said John  
  
"Uh nothing! Just want you to have lunch with me, they have grilled cheese!" she said hurriedly, shoving his face in the menu "Oh, goody!" said John, happily reading his menu  
  
Marsha peeked over her own menu as she watched Lance and Kitty walk past holding hands and giggling. Kitty's top was inside out, as were Lance's jean pockets. 'Oh yea...no one knows what you were doing' she thought to her self sarcastically, shuddering at the thought of the state her office must be in, and she had forgotten to get Lance's address. Consoling her self with the thought of the Polaroids and drawing she had managed to make off with, she called over a waiter to order.  
  
"Hi I'll have a coke and the salmon, John what are you having? John, hello?" Marsha waved a hand in front of his zombie-like face. Following his gaze, she looked over at the open grill of the burger bar, John's eyes were transfixed by the fire.  
  
Marsha sighed and palmed her face 'He'll have the grilled cheese" she said weakly. She smacked John over the head with a menu to get his attention.  
  
"Oy! Watch the hair!" he said grumpily  
  
"I thought you went back to Australia?" she asked him  
  
"I was, but then I lost my ticket, or I used it in my barbeque...hmm, I dunno" he said turning his attention back to the grill flames across the road. "So wot are you doing in Bayville?" he asked absentmindedly, more to stop her hitting him then anything else.  
  
"Oh I'm a relationship counsellor, I put back together all the broken couples and get a fat pay-of at the end for 1 hours work!" said Marsha proudly "You wont believe the psychos I've dealt with today... "  
  
"You say psycho like it's a bad thing" John sniffed, pulling his eyes away from the grill.  
  
Marsha just rolled her eyes at him. ' Family' she thought sardonically  
  
"So your saying that you can basically make any two people think they love each other?" asked John, staring at two people across the road who had caught his attention  
  
"Not exactly, but I reckon I'm good enough yeah" Marsha bragged.  
  
"Ok then" said John "Make that chick go on a date with me and I'll pay for dinner" he said pointing across the road where an irate Wanda was being followed by a love-struck Toad.  
  
Marsha grinned at the challenge "Your on" she said smugly. The smugness disappeared pretty quickly when she saw something blue come out of the girls hand and send the frog-like boy flying into the path of a truck.  
  
John laughed as he stood up "OI WANDA! OVER HERE SHEILA!"  
  
Wanda looked over at him and gave him a 'what the hell' look. She crossed the road, taking care to step on Toad.  
  
"What do you want flame-boy?" said Wanda, hostility radiating off her in waves.  
  
"Come sit, eat dinner with us" said John pulling her down onto his lap. Wanda gave an exasperated sigh as she hexed John into the next table, she got up to leave and Marsha decided that now was the time to earn her dinner, she'd never lost a bet since she was 12 and wasn't going to lose now to an insane relative.  
  
"Wow!" she exclaimed really loudly  
  
Wanda turned around "What?"  
  
"Nothing it's just wow, you must really like John" said Marsha in a nonchalant voice, which she knew would get Wanda's attention  
  
Wanda narrowed her eyes "What are you talking about?" she asked  
  
"Oh nothing it's just that I'm a relationship counsellor, and the attraction between you and John is overwhelming" she said as the man himself walked drunkenly back to the table.  
  
"You know Sheila," he said dreamily at Wanda "you are the fire that rages through my heart"  
  
"Yo Snukums, what's going on?" said Toad, who had managed to scrape himself off the floor.  
  
"TOAD QUIT FOLLOWING ME AROUND!" Wanda shouted  
  
"But Babycakes-"began Toad before he was cut off by cutlery Wanda had hexed smacking him in the face.  
  
Wanda was about to walk away again, Marsha sensing that she was losing reverted to drastic measures. "Wait!" she ran in front of Wanda, and tried to lead her back to the table before Wanda smacked her off and screamed "No Touchie!"  
  
Marsha sighed, 'Trust John to pick another Psycho!'  
  
"Look I just think you have a lot of relationship issues, and it's better to get these things sorted out before they build up and BAMN" Marsha clapped her hands in front of Wanda's face "You kill a dog or something"  
  
Seeing as Wanda looked like she wasn't going to hurt Marsha straight away Marsha decided to continue. "Now it seems you are stressed because you obviously don't reciprocate feelings for frog-boy over here..."  
  
"Ya think?" said Wanda looking interested now.  
  
Toad sighed pathetically "What do I gotta do to win your love, Sweetums?"  
  
Marsha put a comforting arm round Toad's shoulders "Now Toad is it? In life there will always be one time when the person you like doesn't like you back, It's best that you accept it and move on. Trust me, I'm an expert. Now let's all have dinner and talk about this!" she said leading the way back to the table, normally Wanda would've walked off but if this therapy chick could get Toad off her back she decided it was worth it.

"But I know Wanda is just in denial" whined Toad "I mean how could she resist all this" he struck a pose which unfortunately involved lifting his armpits, causing 3 women in the vicinity to faint and 1 to throw up.  
  
"Trust me" said Wanda vindictively "It's not hard"  
  
Marsha sighed and flapped her hand at the fly buzzing around her face. "I think Wanda is in denial... "Toad's face lit up "But not about you" Toad looked like he was gonna cry.  
  
His tongue zipped out as he ate the fly, which caught Marsha's attention instantly. "Damn! What else can you do with that tongue?" she purred, Toad grinned whilst Wanda looked like she was going to vomit.  
  
"Eww! Did you just hit on Toad" she exclaimed  
  
Toad sidled up next to Wanda "Jealous poopsie?"  
  
"No - just disgusted "as she hexed a plate into Toad's head knocking him out.  
  
"Ah-hem well, as I was saying the attraction between you and John is unprecedented, Wanda" continued Marsha, as she watched the unconscious Toad flop out of his chair and onto the floor.  
  
"What are you talking about, I've never even had a conversation with the guy" said Wanda  
  
"Oh but I can feel your eyes running all over my body Sheila" John wiggled his eye brows at Wanda causing her to blush for a second before she regained her composure "What the hell get away from me fire-bug!" she stated as John tried to put his seat closer to hers.  
  
"Well John is right to an extent, you two do have really good eye-contact, which is always a sign that two people are attracted to each other" said Marsha  
  
Wanda turned and looked at Marsha as John using his lighter to create little fire-hearts which floated around Wanda's head. "Your kidding me right?" she hexed the fire hearts so that they set fire to John's uniform.  
  
"Argggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh!" shouted John as he ran round the restaurant.  
  
Marsha sighed "You can control fire you idiot!" she shouted as he ran past their table the second time.  
  
John paused "Oh yea" he got rid of the fire and then slipped off the charred remains of his uniform, leaving him standing there in his Power Rangers boxers. He held up the uniform "Guess I need to go shopping now ey Mate?"  
  
Wanda sighed and got up to leave when sounds of screaming reached their ears. They watched in shock as a giant robot tore its way through the Food Court, being closely followed and attacked by the X-men.  
  
Marsha screamed when she saw Rogue running towards her with an axe and ducked down under the table, letting out a huge sigh of relief, when Rogue ran past her and threw it at the robot, severing one of its arms.  
  
They watched as Bobby iced –up and started throwing ice at the machine as it went down the street. Amara was running behind him, throwing fireballs. Taking Bobby's lead, she also powered up into her Magma form, running right past them.  
  
Marsha slapped her face as John let out an excited sqeaul, as he saw her "COME TO PAPA!" he screamed running down the street after Amara, only to be stopped in his track as a blue glow surrounded his feet.  
  
"Wot the...?" he exclaimed as he was dragged back to their table by a pissed off Wanda  
  
"WERE SITTING HERE DISCUSSING OUR RELATIONSHIP AND YOUR ALREADY GOING AFTER OTHER WOMEN?!?!" Wanda screamed at him.  
  
John shifted his feet nervously and tried to look cute while Marsha was deciding what his epitaph should be 'Here lies John. He liked fire...hmm that about sums him up' she thought  
  
"HERES SOMETHING TO MAKE SURE YOU NEVER LOOK AT ANOTHER WOMEN AGAIN" she stalked over to him, whilst others watching were wondering how exactly she was gonna kill him. She surprised them all by dragging John into a kiss.  
  
Everyone looked around in shock. That was unexpected.  
  
Toad woke up from his place on the floor as the robot and the X-men, this time joined by the Acolytes and the Brotherhood made its way back up the road, causing more people to run away screaming in fear. He popped his head over the table to see Wanda and John frenching.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! BABYCAKES WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!" he sobbed, Marsha patted him on the back consolingly.  
  
Pietro was in the process of creating a whirlwind around the robot when he spotted his sister.  
  
And Pyro  
  
KISSING.  
  
Leaving the robot to fall to the ground, crushing 3 innocent bystanders, he sped over to them.  
  
"WHAT-THE-HELL-IS-OING-ON-HERE?" he shouted at Toad as Wanda took no notice of him "WHY-IS-PYRO'S-HAND-ON-MY-SISTERS-ASS!"  
  
"She's forsaken me for him" cried Toad  
  
"But he's insane! Wait she's insane, OH GOD THINK OF THE CHILDREN! Am I the only sane one left in my family?" sputtered Pietro as Magneto flew past.  
  
He looked at his son "I resent that comment" he stated before flying off to turn the robot into shish-kebab  
  
"Who did this?" Pietro shouted, looking around at everyone accusingly, Marsha backed away slowly as Toad lifted a finger at her. Pietro let out a scream before he sped off to the kitchen to find a knife, failing to find on in a millisecond he grabbed a spatula and ran after Marsha who was high-tailing it back down the street.  
  
"YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN HIDE BITCH!" he laughed maniacally as he chased her around, smacking her with the spatula repeatedly.  
  
Marsha ran back to Toad slipped her card into Toad's back pocket before running away again "CALL ME!" she shouted as Pietro hit her repeatedly "Ow! Hey! Quit it!"  
  
Toad cocked his finger and winked at her retreating form "Will do!"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::  
  
There you go folks, the insanity that was Jonda, hope you liked it!  
  
REVIEW and tell me what you think as always and also don't forget to vote for who you want next as well as ideas for what should happen to them!  
  
Other couples suggested so far are JOTT, ROLO AND KURMANDA so pile on the ideas!

Ciao

Soulstress


	5. Jott aka Death By Cheerleader

**Disclaimer – So how rich do you reckon Stan Lee is anyway?**  
  
HOLY MOLY! I was looking at the reviews and discovered that the Jonda chapter got more reviews then the Lancitty and Romy, guess Jonda now has a bigger following.....  
  
Romy Fans: nooooooooooooo we lost our crown ::see jonda fans walking past:: KILL THEM!!!!  
  
A lotta lotta love (I was just watching re-runs of blind date ok??) to my reviewers of the Jonda chapter, that was the first time I had attempted writing a Jonda so thanks :)  
  
The lovely folks are as follows – I Heart the Distillers, White Tigeress326, Psycho Romy Chica, Jono, Morrigan Fearn, Xevo Chic (what does XD mean?? or is it a smiley?), Rogue14, Peace215, Sparkie the Watering Can(luv the name doll), Klinoa, S. Mark Gunther, Purity Black, Star-of Chaos and Demon Rogue 13.  
  
To answer Psycho Romy Chica and Purity Black's questions –i.e. what's up with Marsha and does she hit on every guy I will only say one thing.  
  
Nympho.........  
  
Thanks to Morrigan Fearn who suggested the basis for this a long time ago, and to S.Mark Gunther, Toad getting some? I like the way you think.....  
  
And now (muahahaha) its time (muahahaha) for Jott torture (Muahahaha)  
  
They thought they were the perfect couple, not anymore.......  
  
'the position of annoying talking animal has already been taken' = thoughts (just watched shrek 2 and I friggin love donkey)  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::  
  
**Jott a.k.a Death by Cheerleader**  
  
"That is just sickening." stated Jubilee as she looked out of the kitchen window into the garden.  
  
The others, Bobby, Sam, Ray, Amara, Rahne, Jamie, Tabitha and Roberto all pulled away from the monstrosities of a breakfast they were making and looked outside too.  
  
Straight in front of them sat Logan and Storm. Both were reading newspapers and drinking tea. The others watched knowingly as they both raised they're cups at the exact same moment, took a sip and then with perfect synchronicity, set down their cups at the same time too.  
  
"You mean the total married-ness of Logan and Ororo?" asked Bobby, as the others all nodded in acknowledgement.  
  
"No" said Jubilee dragging him into her line of sight," I mean that" she said pointing in the direction of Scott and Jean who were sitting just to the left of Ororo and Logan's table, next to a rose bush.  
  
The group watched in disgust as they saw Scott pull a rose from the bush and give it to Jean who cooed happily.  
  
"Oh Scott, you're so perfect!" they heard her exclaim  
  
The group in the kitchen cringed as they saw Scott gasp" Surely not as perfect as you Jean"  
  
Jean smiled and tossed her hair over her shoulder "I know I am pretty perfect." She got up and then intertwined her fingers with Scott "We are so the perfect couple" she sighed happily as the two walked off towards the gazebo.  
  
Back in the kitchen Jubilee made barfing motions whilst the others also looked like they were about to be sick.  
  
"Those two cannot be for real," said a very disturbed Bobby "Were going to have to prank them for forcing this horrible fluffiness on us all the time" he finished decisively  
  
"Oh Bobby your so scheming and wild," said Jubilee in a over the top girly voice "It's just so perfect" The group laughed at Jubilee's impression of Jean when Rogue's voice cut in.  
  
"Will the two of yah quit with the goo-goo eyes and move away from the donuts already?" she walked over to the counter followed by Kitty, both were bitching about one thing or another.  
  
"And did you see her nails?" said Kitty "They were like, totally false, and did I tell you she was drawing a picture of Lance?"  
  
Rogue nodded in agreement "They were disgusting, and Remy said that hussie was at his house yesterday, spying on him in the shower. When I get mah hands on that slut Ah swear Ah'll..." Words eluded Rogue in her fury as she just made scary throttling gestures with her hands  
  
Bobby hastily moved out of the way of the two pissed off girls.  
  
"Gee, what's got you guys all riled up?" asked Tabitha as she picked up an apple and bit into it.  
  
"Just somebody who won't be around for much longer" said Kitty sweetly as her and Rogue got up from the table, a card falling out of Kitty's back pocket as she stood. Kitty and Rogue continued their bitch on the way out to meet their aforementioned boyfriends when Jubilee noticed the card.  
  
Picking it up she turned towards the door only to see that Kitty and Rogue had already disappeared. She scanned the card quickly and an evil smile formed on her face. She spun around to face the rest of the gang.  
  
"Hey Guys," she said holding up the card, "I think I have the perfect idea"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::  
  
Marsha stared at the ceiling of Toad's room in the Brotherhood of Mutants house, trying to figure out if she could identify all the different slime patterns.  
  
An extremely happy Toad put an arm around her shoulder.  
  
"That was awesome, how was it for you Poopsie?" he said silkily  
  
Marsha shrugged "Meh, it was okay"  
  
Toad leaned back and smiled "Oh yea, don't you know it" he said proudly  
  
Marsha leaned over to get her cell phone out of her bag as it went off.  
  
"Marsha Wainthrope speaking"  
  
Marsha sat up as she listened to the caller on the other end.  
  
"Do I make house calls?" Marsha thought this over, "Yes but it's charged at a double rate"  
  
Jubilee frowned on the other end of the line, "How much is that exactly?" whilst indicating to the others that she needed money.  
  
"$100 per hour" Marsha replied nonchalantly whilst examining her nails  
  
Jubilee frowned again as Tabitha held up the credit card she'd lifted earlier from Scott and passed it to Bobby. Jubilee grinned at them.  
  
"Do you take credit?"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
"Hey like, whose car is that?" Kitty asked Rogue as they walked up the driveway to the boarding house. The unfamiliar silver sports car standing out against the shabbiness of the house.  
  
Rogue shrugged. "Who cares?"  
  
Both girls stopped in shock as they saw Marsha throw open the door to the house and run out in her black nightie, clutching her bag and her clothes to her chest as she dived head first through the open window of her car.  
  
A furious Pietro dashed out the house and threw a load of kitchen utensils at her car, followed by a very wet Lance with a towel around his waist who was throwing Fred's shoes at her car and shouting.  
  
"GET LOST YOU CRAZY STALKER BIATCH!" Lance screamed as he threw the other shoe at her.  
  
Marsha revved the engine of her car and sped down the driveway causing Kitty and Rogue to dive out of the way.  
  
Rogue just blinked "What the..."  
  
"Hell!" Kitty finished angrily as she watched the car speed off into the distance.  
  
Gambit drove and parked his Harley into the driveway of the Brotherhood house a few seconds later. He got off his bike to see his girlfriend, Kitty, Lance and Pietro standing outside, surrounded by a load of cutlery and what he thought must be the biggest shoe's he had ever seen.  
  
He looked slowly from Pietro, whose left eye was twitching and smacking a spatula repeatedly into his palm menacingly, to a fuming and wet Lance.  
  
"Ok, what did Remy miss?"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
A few moments earlier..................  
  
Marsha put down the phone and got out the bed.  
  
"Where you going my love muffin" said Toad from the bed, patting the space she had just left invitingly. "There's still plenty more Toad to go around"  
  
(Thousands of women barf)  
  
"Sorry, I got work to do" Marsha said, grabbing her toothbrush and heading towards the bathroom in her nightie. She had just rounded the corner when she saw a boxer-clad and still sleepy Lance yawn and walk into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.  
  
Marsha put her hands together and looked at the ceiling "Thank You" she said joyfully before skipping back to Toad's room and grabbing her Polaroid camera out of her bag.  
  
She walked quickly towards the room Lance had just left and rummaged through his closet until she triumphantly held up a pair of Lance's boxers. She did a short rendition of her happy dance and then walked over to the bathroom door.  
  
She tested the doorknob, finding it closed she pulled a pin out of her hair and then jimmied the lock open.  
  
She grinned and ran inside with her camera happily clicking away.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL!" Lance screamed angrily as he ran out the shower and grabbed a towel. He stared at her in shock and then noticed what was in her hands, what suspiciously looked like his boxer shorts. "ARE THOSE MINE?!?"  
  
"Whats-with-all-the-shouting?" Pietro asked as he peered into the bathroom. His eyes widened when he saw Marsha. "YOU!" he exclaimed furiously  
  
"Me thinks it's time to run now!" Marsha muttered to herself as she ran out the room.  
  
"GET HER!" Lance shouted he chased her, throwing anything nearby in her direction, whilst Pietro sped off towards the kitchen.  
  
Marsha ran into Toad's room grabbed her stuff and then ran out again, a severely pissed off Lance hot on her heels throwing a tub of Pietro's extremely expensive 'Super Hold 4 Super Style 4 the Super Kool' hair gel at her.  
  
Toad hopped out of his room to see her run away. "Call me!" he shouted to her as she hightailed it down the stairs.  
  
"Will do!" she said before she threw open the door and ran outside.  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Gambit looked at Lance and Pietro when they finished talking for a second before turning to Rogue.  
  
"See dis' be exactly what happened to Remy"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::  
  
Marsha threw open the door to her house happily and strolled inside, dumping her stuff on her kitchen table.  
  
She grabbed the pictures and boxers she'd made off with and practically skipped into her room.  
  
She grabbed a big book off the shelf and flicked towards the page labelled 'Lance', taking the time to admire the one labelled 'Remy' on the way. She stuck the pictures in happily next to the ones she already had of him and Kitty and added his boxers (and Toad's, which she put in a plastic bag to stop them from contaminating the other 50 or so pairs) to the growing pile in her bottom drawer.  
  
"Oooh look at the time" she exclaimed as she dashed around getting ready for the day's work.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::  
  
"She's here" said Jubilee happily, half and hour later as Marsha drove into the institute.  
  
'Nice place' Marsha thought to herself as she locked her car and walked towards the door only to be stopped by a bunch of kids.  
  
"Ms. Wainthrope?" asked Jubilee, extending her hand. Marsha shook it and eyed the girl wearily. "Call me Marsha"  
  
Jubilee turned and pointed out the others "This is Rahne, Amara, Tabitha, Bobby, Ray, Roberto, Sam and Jamie"  
  
"Hey" said Marsha, she turned to Jubilee "So which one of you guys need the therapy?"  
  
Jubilee smiled at Marsha disturbingly "Oh it's not us were worried about, you see we are very concerned about some friends of ours..."  
  
Bobby ran round to Marsha's other side as they led her towards the mansion "Yeah you see it's tragic really, they really are the sweetest couple but right now they are going through a really bad patch"  
  
Marsha looked interested now, "Really? What kind of problems?"  
  
Bobby and Jubilee grinned at each other, then they both grabbed one of Marsha's arms and dragged her over to the window, pointing out Scott and Jean canoodling in the distance.  
  
Marsha frowned "Those guys?" Jubilee nodded. "You're kidding me right, they don't look like they need therapy to me!"  
  
Bobby looked at Marsha with despair "That's how it seems to the outside world, but we know their pain" he wiped a fake tear out of his eye "we live with those idiots".  
  
"There, there," said Jubilee patting his shoulder, "You see Marsha, Scott and Jean have so many underlying problems, that they keep denying them and believing that everything is perfect." Seeing that Marsha still looked sceptical, Jubes decided to pull her act up a notch, she started fake crying as well as Bobby. "It's awful, you should come and see it first hand."  
  
The group snuck around the garden until they ended up behind some bushes near the gazebo, from which they could hear Scott and Jean talking.  
  
"Oh Scott, I love you so much" gushed Jean, "No one knows me like you do"  
  
"Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie. I love everything about you from your lovely green eyes, to that zit on your chin that you tried to hide with 8 layers of foundation."  
  
Jean gasped and covered her chin, "It's only 7!"  
  
"It doesn't matter Jean, your still so perfect!"  
  
"Oh Scott"  
  
Jubilee turned to Marsha "It's terrible isn't it?" she said sadly. She then realised that Marsha wasn't paying attention.  
  
Bobby waved his hand in front of her face "Ms Wainthrope, Helllllloooooooo."  
  
Marsha snapped out of another one of her pervy trances and turned to the group. "Is it me or does Scott have really nice bone structure?"  
  
The other girls exchanged looks "It's just you!" they said as one.  
  
"He does have nice abs though," said Jubilee nonchalantly as she popped her gum, ignoring the jealous look she was getting from Bobby  
  
"Really?" asked Marsha. She pulled her notebook and turned to a blank page and wrote 'Scott, nice abs.' She looked up to see that Scott had turned around so his back was facing them, 'and ass.' She added.  
  
She flipped to another page, and wrote 'Bobby has the hots for Jubilee – exploit at a later stage for money'.  
  
"What are ye writing lass?" asked Rahne, peering over.  
  
Marsha snapped her book shut and smiled "Just notes on the problem couple" She looked over to see that Scott and Jean were now gone. "Ok well I'll go talk to them, it does seem that they are covering up some issues, no relationship is perfect. But first things first, where's my money?"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
A few minutes later, a $100 richer Marsha made her way towards Scott's room, following the directions she had been given by the others.  
  
A some point she must have taken a wrong turn as she opened a door to find a bald man in a wheelchair watching MTV with his tie around his head, downing booze.  
  
"Oh yeah, that's it baby, SHAKE IT!" the man shouted happily as he watched Beyonce's latest video. "Shh-Shh-Shake it like a Polaroid picture!"  
  
Marsha hurriedly closed the door and took a deep breath.  
  
"God that was nasty"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"Ow Jubes! Get off my foot" Bobby griped quietly as they peered through the window of Scott's room.  
  
"Why do you reckon that shrink women aint there yet?" whispered Ray  
  
Jubilee shrugged and turned to Jamie and Rahne "Go find her, she's probably lost" Jamie nodded and made several copies of himself whilst Rahne transformed into her Wolfsbane form and took off.  
  
"You got that camcorder Sam?" Bobby asked his southern friend.  
  
Sam grinned and held up the portable video camera "Hell Yeah"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Jaime and Rahne rejoined the group outside just in time before Marsha made her entrance.  
  
Scott stopped staring into Jean's eyes to answer the door. He was surprised to see a woman standing there whom he'd never met.  
  
"Can I help you...?" he asked  
  
Marsha gave him her flirtiest smile and stuck out her hand, "Marsha Wainthrope, Relationship Counsellor, but you cutie, can call me Marsha"  
  
Scott was about to reply when Jean cut in, "Excuse me, what did you say you were?"  
  
Marsha smiled at the red-head, 'wow, that is the fakest nose I have ever seen'  
  
"I'm a relationship counsellor, some of your friends were concerned about the two of you and felt that you needed professional help"  
  
Scott and Jean looked shocked "But were the perfect couple!" they exclaimed as one.  
  
"Why would they say that?" asked Scott, looking a bit hurt that not everyone thought they were perfect.  
  
Jean hit him in realisation "I bet it was Rogue, she is so jealous of us!"  
  
Marsha's eye twitched. "Did you say..." twitch, "...Rogue?"  
  
"Yeah why do you know her?" asked Jean  
  
"No!" shouted Marsha hurriedly  
  
Scott looked at Marsha curiously, "Why does your eye twitch every time someone says Rogue," he asked watching her eye twitch as he said it.  
  
"No it doesn't" denied Marsha  
  
"Rogue" said Scott forcefully  
  
::twitch::  
  
"Rogue"  
  
::twitch: Marsha slapped a hand over her traitorous eye. "Let's just get down to business shall we?"  
  
"We don't need therapy!" said an upset Jean, "Can't you see were perfect?"  
  
"Yeah were not Kitty and Lance" scoffed Scott  
  
"Kitty, you know Kitty?" asked Marsha frantically. Jean and Scott just looked at her.  
  
"She lives with us," said Jean finally  
  
"Here?" Marsha looked around quickly "In this place?" she whispered to them conspiratorially "Is she here?"  
  
Jean just gave Marsha a 'I don't think were the ones who therapy' look before speaking "They went to the mall, they'll be gone all day."  
  
Marsha visibly relaxed. "Right then take a seat you two, we'll start by-"  
  
"We don't need therapy!" said Scott exasperatedly "Were obviously per-"  
  
"Perfect, I get it," said Marsha sitting down on the chair in his room, indicating for them to take a seat on the bed. "Listen up kids, no couple is perfect, it's better that you accept that you have problems and try to work through them rather then ignoring the issues."  
  
Jean sighed angrily and flicked her red tresses over her shoulder. "We are too perfect," she put her arm around Scott and smiled "just look at us!"  
  
Scott nodded in agreement.  
  
"Ok then," said Marsha, "if you think you're so perfect then you wouldn't mind completing a little exercise for me would you?"  
  
"Of course not" said Jean icily  
  
Marsha gave each of them a wad of paper. "Ok now I'm going to ask you a question, and I want each of you to write down what you think the other person would say. If your as perfect as you say you are, you should know the answer. Got it?"  
  
Jean and Scott both nodded. Jean smiled inwardly, she could just read Scott's thoughts and then they would get every answer right. 'Would that be wrong? Nah.... '  
  
"Ok, what is your partners favourite colour?" asked Marsha first  
  
Jean rolled her eyes, she wouldn't even need to bother using her telepathy with this one.  
  
She wrote down her answer and put her pen down. Marsha waited until Scott was done.  
  
"Scott you can go first" she said  
  
"Red" stated Scott simply. Jean flipped over her paper, which said the word 'red' in her neat handwriting.  
  
"Now Jean" Marsha continued.  
  
"Red" said Jean 'God this is easy, I don't even need my telepathy for this at all' thought Jean smugly as Scott turned over his piece of paper on which he had also written the word 'red'.  
  
Scott grinned at Marsha "See we are so totally perfect" he said happily  
  
Marsha smiled at him fakely, having now lulled them to into a false sense of security she hit them with her trump card.  
  
"Next one, write down one thing that your partner doesn't like about themselves."  
  
Scott looked at Jean and smiled reassuringly, he knew exactly what she'd say. Jean smiled right back at him, she knew this answer easily.  
  
"What's your answer Scott?"  
  
"My mutation, I can't ever take off my glasses and everything is red all the time"  
  
Jean flipped over her paper on which she had virtually written word for word what Scott had just said.  
  
"Ok now Jean"  
  
"Well there are obviously things that I don't like, but I know Scott and he would have written that I was perfect, so that's what I'm going to say."  
  
Scott paled at this answer and began to sweat nervously. "There's not one thing?" he ventured hopefully.  
  
Jean frowned at him "What have you written Scott?"  
  
Scott smiled hastily and began to write on his paper whilst still looking at Jean, hoping she wouldn't notice. "That you're perfect of course!" he said smarmily, "I was just asking out of interest, because I love you"  
  
Marsha's eyes narrowed as she saw Scott's hand move discreetly.  
  
"Hey no cheating!" she shouted as she snatched the paper out of his hands. She smirked as she read what he had written. "He wrote that you had a 'bug ugly nose'! " she relayed happily.  
  
Jean let out a horrified gasp and hit Scott "How could write that?" she exclaimed angrily  
  
Scott tried his best to look cute, "Remember last week we were talking, and you said that you didn't like your bug ugly nose, if anything this just shows that I'm a good listener."  
  
Jean hit him over the head with a pillow "I'll give you good listener!" she said angrily hitting him again.  
  
"Ow Jean! Look you know I think you're perfect no matter what, and your nose is adorable...especially after the surgery" said Scott in a pleading tone as Jean repeated hit him.  
  
"I knew it!" screeched Marsha happily  
  
Jean gasped and covered her nose with her hand "You swore you'd never tell!" she said tearfully  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
_Outside.....  
_  
"Please tell me your getting this," said Ray to Sam, not even bothering to whisper as Scott and Jean were making enough noise now.  
  
"That Marsha chick is good!" said Tabitha happily  
  
"Nice one Jubes!" said Bobby, the two exchanged a flirty smile as they peered through the window.  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"Jean I didn't mean to say it! It just slipped out!" said Scott as he dodged a lamp  
  
"Oh please, like I should expect any more from a guy WHOSE HAS TO PAY GIRLS TO GO OUT WITH THEM!" She screeched as she used her telekinesis to throw a pile of books at him.  
  
"Really?" Marsha asked him in surprise looking him up and down "I'd go out with you in a heart beat"  
  
Jean narrowed her eyes at Marsha, she was about to probe her mind to see what exactly she was thinking ('screw the proffessor's ideologies, he's a drunk anyway') when Scott cut in.  
  
"Hey! Taryn only told you that so you wouldn't feel bad about us dating!" Said Scott in his defence hastily  
  
"She used to be my best friend Scott, and apparently your relationship with her wasn't all that satisfying!" Jean shot at him  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
_Outside....._  
  
All: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"How would you know? You were off with that dumb monkey Duncan!" he started imitating her, "Oh Duncan, you're so handsome, and soooo strong, can I feel you muscles?"  
  
"Hey at least Duncan had a brain unlike you!" the two stared at each other for a second before they both started laughing.  
  
"I can't believe you just said that!" said Scott in-between laughs  
  
"Yeah me too" said Jean while she wiped the tears of laughter out her eyes. She turned to Marsha "Where were we?"  
  
"Your boyfriend just told the whole world about your nose job" said Marsha succinctly, wishing she had some popcorn because she found these two so entertaining.  
  
Jean's eyes hardened in an instant. Scott sent Marsha a 'thanks a lot' look to which Marsha replied only with a saucy smile.  
  
He sighed and braced himself as Jean sent more objects flying in his direction.  
  
"Jean come on, lighten up! It's not like anyone got it on a camera or anything!" he exclaimed whilst back flipping to avoid his computer smacking him in the balls.  
  
Marsha sent a knowing look towards the window, she was about to speak up then decided against it. 'Why begrudge them good blackmail, bet these two are a nightmare to live with..'  
  
"You want me to lighten up?" asked Jean in sarcastic voice "This coming from Mr Prude himself?"  
  
"I'm not prude!" said Scott defensively  
  
"Whatever Prudence Mc. Prude" Jean jeered as she smacked him over the head with his lamp again.  
  
"Well excuse me Little Miss Kinky!"shouted Scott, as he rubbed his head  
  
"You Kinky?" exclaimed Marsha, as she looked Jean up and down in disbelief "Really"  
  
"I'm not kinky!" said Jean in a hurt voice  
  
Scott waved his hand dismissively at Jean and turned to Marsha "Do you know she wears her cheerleading outfit instead of underwear?"  
  
"No shit" said Marsha in shock  
  
"No I don't!" exclaimed Jean quickly to Marsha, failing to notice Scott running over to pants her, revealing a red and gold, Bayville High cheerleading skirt.  
  
"Damn!" said Marsha appreciatively, "You really are kinky, you know you should really come over to one of my parties I think you'd enjoy yourself..."  
  
"I'M NOT KINKY!" Jean interrupted "I err.....have cheerleading practice later and I didn't think I'd have time to change so I wore it underneath ok!"  
  
"YOU GRADUTED 3 MONTHS AGO!" shouted Scott exasperatedly  
  
"You know what Scott, I don't think your really perfect for me anymore!" said Jean  
  
"Yeah well neither do I" said Scott huffily crossing his arms  
  
"Nerd!" hissed Jean  
  
"Slut!" said Scott venomously  
  
"Bitch!"  
  
"Brown-noser!"  
  
"So are you!"  
  
"Am Not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Am not!"  
  
"Are too times infinity plus 1" said Jean triumphantly  
  
"Children please, I think you two need a little time out"  
  
"He started it" said Jean childishly  
  
Scott just stuck his tongue out at her.  
  
Jean turned on Marsha "You know this is all your fault! We were fine before you came along!"  
  
"Hey!" said Marsha raising her hands defensively "Don't hate me for pointing out that you guys have faults!"  
  
She looked Scott over again and then decided to seize her chance. "Now I want to both to spend some time apart and think about what you really mean to each other. Jean you go in another room and think this over while Scottie and I have a little chat ok?" said Marsha with her fakest smile tightly in place  
  
Jean frowned at Marsha's use of the term Scottie. She searched her mind carefully and didn't even have to look far to find out what she wanted to know.  
  
"YOU EVIL WOMEN, YOU JUST WANT SCOTT ALL TO YOURSELF, YOU WERE JUST TRYING TO BREAK US UP!" shouted Jean angrily  
  
Marsha quailed under her fierce glare, and she thought Rogue was bad. "No I wasn't!" denied Marsha hastily 'I was just trying to get some nookie before you guys made up' she thought to herself  
  
"I'm a telepath you know!" said Jean fiercely  
  
Marsha palmed her face, "That mean's you can read my thoughts right?" she muttered quietly  
  
Jean nodded smugly while Scott caught on, "I knew we were perfect!" he said while looking at Marsha angrily.  
  
Marsha fidgeted for a second, "Yeah well um.....see ya!" she dashed towards the door only to be lifted into the air suddenly and turned around to face Jean and Scott.  
  
Marsha sighed, "This is going to hurt isn't it?"  
  
Jean smiled evilly before proceeding to smack Marsha against all the walls with her telekinesis whilst Scott fired low level beams into her butt.  
  
"OW! PLEASE! AIYEEE!! MOMMY! HOLY SHI-"Marsha exclaimed as she was smacked around the room. Jean slammed her into the window and Marsha looked down to see Bobby and Jubilee grinning at her and waving as the other kids ran off.  
  
Marsha growled at them before she was dragged away and thrown out of the room by Jean.  
  
"And stay out!" shouted Scott before he slammed the door on her.  
  
Marsha stood up slowly and straightened up her clothing, pocketing the picture of Scott with no shirt on that was stuck around the mirror she was slammed against.  
  
She strode purposely down the hallway.  
  
Those kids were gonna pay.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::  
  
Long I know!!! Seeing as I hadn't updated this in a while I thought I'd make it interesting. I will always finish everything I've started so bear with me:)  
  
Non-Jott stuff in this chapter was basically setting up stuff for future chaps and the final one which I am going to call 'Death by Crazy Pissed Off Over Possessive Girlfriends'!  
  
REVIEW!!!! And tell me what you think, I am still open to idea for couples and other ideas on stuff in general eg what can Marsha do to Bobby and Jubes that will backfire horribly?  
  
Ciao  
  
Soulstress 


	6. Jubby aka Death By Frisbee

**Disclaimer – I own nothing but the seriously perverted character of Marsha: who likes to see London, likes to see France, but most of all likes pretty boys underpants....**  
  
Revenge is in the air in this particular chapter, and tis' not being carried out by only one person I tell you!  
  
Thanks a bunch (bunch of what? I dunno y'all have imaginations you make it up!) to all the folks who reviewed the last chapter....  
  
Morrigan Fearn, Rogue14, Lancitty92, DemonRogue13, Hana the wreck, Pyro Lady, Lyrafan, Amelia, Sick minded sucker, Angel of the fallen stars, Mads Mads and Chllr107(rolo is ororo/logan, I think rogue/logan is called rogan or something along that line, who makes these damn names up anyway?).  
  
... I love feedback so thanks and keep reviewing:)  
  
Ms Fearn & Amelia – why do people always guess my storylines? Ah well enjoy it even though the girl I had in mind isn't the one y'all suggested. Oh and Magneto and Xavier doing the hula... I love it! That's so going in the next chapter!  
  
Pyro Lady – that's exactly what I am going to have happen in Death By Crazy Pissed-Off Over Possessive Girlfriends and Pietro (yeah, I extended the title to include the hyper little brat), my last chapter...again with the guessing of my storylines? You guys are too clever for you own good!  
  
And now it's time for Marsha to learn that payback really is a bitch....  
  
'cowabunga' = thoughts  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
**Jubby a.k.a Death By Frisbee**  
  
Marsha paused for a second to gather her bearings. She took in the décor of the hallway and decided that she'd definitely been down this corridor before.   
  
She had been wandering around the upper floor of the institute for a good 10 minutes and didn't have a freaking clue where the stairs were, she was also sure she had been walking around in a circle, but because it all looked the same she really had no idea.  
  
'Hmmm...ok, I went this way last time, so now I'll go this way' She spun around in her Manolo's and then stalked down the full length of the corridor.  
  
"Ah ha!" she said triumphantly as she spotted the stairs. She dashed down them, ran through the double doors and outside into the fresh air.  
  
Marsha smiled, soaking up the sunshine.   
  
"BOOM!"  
  
Marsha spun around to see all the kids she had met earlier playing a game of basketball. The blonde girl was producing bombs and throwing them in the air like firecrackers.  
  
She smiled as she sighted her pray.  
  
Oh yes.  
  
Revenge was going to be Sweet....  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
".....And it's going to be all ours! Muahahahahahahaha!"  
  
Rogue, Remy, Kitty and Lance all exchanged uneasy glances across the kitchen table as they watched Pietro do the whole insane laughter thing.  
  
Remy leaned over to the others. "Remy thinks Speedy be spending way too much time with his father, non?"  
  
Kitty and Lance nodded desolately whilst Rogue just whispered a quick sarcastic; "Ya think?"  
  
Kitty raised her hand in the air.  
  
"Speak!" said Pietro haughtily, cutting off his laughter.  
  
"Umm.... Seeing as Marsha hasn't like, hit on your boyfriend or stole his underwear and stuff, why are you all hell bent on revenge?" asked Kitty in her best schoolgirl voice  
  
Remy looked at Lance and Rogue, "De lil' psycho has a boyfriend?"  
  
Lance shrugged, "Probably..."  
  
"Because Ms Pryde," replied Pietro, "That wench is responsible for this!" Pietro sped over to the kitchen door and opened it, revealing Wanda and Pyro making out on the sofa.  
  
"Gahhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Pietro sped over towards the frenching couple, grabbed John off of his sister and rushed out the house. Thirty seconds later he sped back in front of Wanda, panting and out of breath.  
  
"Ha! See if you can make out with him if he's in Canada!" he said triumphantly.  
  
Wanda just smiled at him stupidly. "I like John" was all she said before she hexed Pietro's powers and made him bring her boyfriend back.   
  
"Quit doing that!" shouted Pietro as Wanda continued her make out session with her newly returned boyfriend.  
  
"When the hell did this happen?" asked Lance in shock  
  
"Well Remy'll be damned," said Remy as Wanda continued to make out with John, "De pyromanic went and found another psycho. What are de chances?"  
  
"In this town? Very high" quipped Rogue as Wanda looked up.  
  
"Did you just call me psycho?" she said angrily, glaring at Remy while blue energy crackled around her fingertips.  
  
"Er...no. Remy said Speedy be a man-ho." Gambit said hastily, hiding behind Rogue for protection.  
  
"Oh...Ok!" said Wanda happily  
  
"Hey!" said Pietro indignantly, "I'm offended that you would think....Eh...you're right"  
  
"A little privacy please mates?" said John as he looked up with an insane grin, lipstick all over his face.  
  
Lance sighed and grabbed the back of Pietro's shirt dragging him back into the kitchen.  
  
"I pity you, that man could be your brother-in-law," he told Pietro as he shoved him onto a chair.  
  
Pietro thought about this for a second. "I'm gonna kill that shrink." He said finally, he turned to Lance, "And hello! It's not like your gonna have great in-laws anyways. You-tried-to-kill-them!"  
  
"We thought of a way to deal with that already," said Lance, turning to Kitty and smiling.   
  
"Yeah...what?" said Rogue interestedly.  
  
"Move to a different country and tell my parents I married someone called Jacques who lives on an army base which we can never leave and they can never visit." Explained Kitty in one breath  
  
"Huh" said Rogue, "That works"  
  
"Can we get back on topic please!" screamed Pietro, throwing his hands up in the air. "Are we going to kill the shrink or not???"  
  
"Definitely!" answered the other four as one.  
  
"Plus that woman is banging Toad, "added Lance, "Which is just plain wrong."  
  
"And nasty" blanched Rogue   
  
Pietro stood up dramatically and put his hands on his hips "She must be stopped!"  
  
"YEAH!" shouted the others in agreement  
  
"Ok so here's what we're gonna do" he leaned in to explain his plan as Freddy walked in to make a smoothie, the blender drowning out all sounds of the conversation.  
  
"So its settled then," said Rogue with and evil smirk, "Tomorrow, that bitch is goin' down."  
  
The five Marsha-haters all steepled their fingers and grinned insanely.  
  
"Excellent."  
  
"Man..." said Freddy in fear as he backed slowly out the door with his smoothie. "You guys watch the Simpson's waaaaayyyy too much."  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
"Hi kids!" said Marsha happily as she strolled over to the basketball court.  
  
"Uh-oh" said Jamie uneasily. The rest of the gang tensed up as well.  
  
"What's up?" said Marsha grabbing the basket ball off the floor and throwing it over her shoulder at the hoop, where it gracefully sailed in without touching the rim.  
  
"S-wishhhhh!" said Ray appreciatively. Jubilee stepped forward.  
  
"Um ... you're not like, mad or anything or you? Because it's not our fault Jean kicked your ass." She said with what she hoped was an adorable smile.   
  
Marsha waved her hand around dismissively "Oh that? Happens all the time, I just wanted a word with Bobby here actually."  
  
"Me?" said a shocked Bobby, "What about?"  
  
"Yeah what about?" asked Jubilee suspiciously, wondering whether or not this Marsha chick would sink low enough to hit on a sixteen year old boy. Her sixteen year old boy.  
  
Marsha just tapped her nose secretively. "That's between me and him little girl," said Marsha patronisingly, making Jubilee scowl.   
  
Bobby looked around at his friends, who nodded at him encouragingly. He shrugged and went over to Marsha, who put her arm around his shoulders and led him away.  
  
Jubilee growled quietly before stomping her foot on the ground and following them at a slow pace.  
  
"Where are yah going?" asked Sam picking up the basketball and spinning it on his forefinger.  
  
Jubilee turned around and popped her gum in annoyance. "To follow them, duh!"  
  
"Why, are ye jealous lass?" teased Rahne  
  
"YES! I mean no! You guys coming or not?" she said impatiently, watching Bobby and Marsha get further and further away.  
  
The gang looked at each other, "Eh...why not?"  
  
Jubilee grinned as they began to stalk their prey.  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
_Meanwhile....several metres away...._  
  
"So let me get this straight." Said Bobby looking at the shrink-woman in surprise. "You're going to help me get Jubilee?"  
  
Marsha nodded, "Ah ha"  
  
"And you're doing this because....?"  
  
"Bobby, Bobby, Bobby..." said Marsha as she put her arm back around the boy (who was kinda cute), "In our short time together, I have noticed that you definitely have the hots for that girl, now you want to date her don't you?"  
  
Bobby nodded dumbly.  
  
"Well then it just so happens, that fate has sent me to hook you two up good and proper."  
  
"And your what?" asked Bobby sceptically, "Doing this out of the goodness of your heart."  
  
Marsha looked at him as if he was crazy. "Boy, Hell no!" she held out her palm, "Gimmie my $100."  
  
Bobby shrugged and gave her Scott's credit card. "So what are you going to do?" he asked her.  
  
Marsha smiled at him, "Well I have often found that the best way to get a girl to admit her feelings for you is to make her jealous...."  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"Let's get closer!" said Jubilee behind her clump of bushes. "I can't hear what they're saying!"  
  
"Bobby's saying something along the lines of 'no! no! anyone but her!'" Rahne informed them all, whilst trying to see how many clumps of grass she could put in Roberto's hair without him noticing.  
  
"Wait!" said Ray sticking out an arm to prevent Jubilee from getting any closer, "they're getting up."  
  
"Nah – the shrink is getting up." Clarified Sam  
  
"What's she doing?" asked Jamie, the poor kid was stuck behind Ray and the orange flicks were blocking his view.  
  
"She getting out her cell phone." Said Tabby, the group watched as Marsha handed Bobby the phone, he punched in the numbers and then sat back down on the grass as he waited for his call to connect.  
  
"BRING! BRING!"  
  
"Huh?"   
  
There was a minute of confusion as every member of the New Mutants rifled through their pockets to check their phones.  
  
"Not Me" said Jubes  
  
"Or Me" volunteered Ray  
  
"Me!" said Tabby happily, "Hey Bobby what do you want?"  
  
"How did you know it's me?" said Bobby in surprise  
  
"Caller ID stupid!" said Tabby briskly as the others crowded around so they could hear what was going on.  
  
"Uh- Tabby I'm not using my phon-"started Bobby in confusion when Tabitha interrupted him.  
  
"I'm a busy gal Drake you want something, spit it out already!"  
  
"Uh...okay. Can you do me a favour?   
  
Tabby popped her gum, "Oh yeah like what?...Ah ha....Ah ha...really?...okay!" she snapped her phone shut, ending the call.  
  
"So what did he say!!" asked Jubilee excitedly  
  
"He wants me to meet him at the gazebo in a minute." Relayed Tabby. She sat down and pulled out her nail file, "I don't get it why does he want to talk to me?"  
  
"I dunno, but wouldn't trust that Marsha woman if I were you." Offered Amara, "I don't know what it is, but I'm sure she's evil, or maybe just really stupid. I mean hitting on a guy right in front of his telepath girlfriend! Eh-Eh" she made a chopping motion across her neck with her hand.  
  
Tabby got up to leave, "Well when I know you'll know, besides...if 'Shrink-a-zoid' thinks she can get one up on us then she's got another thing coming right?"  
  
The gang looked at each other happily and exchanged evil looks.   
  
"Oh yeah" said Ray proudly, "We bad"  
  
"That - and we have way too much time on our hands" noted Jamie sagely, whilst several of his clones nodded in agreement.  
  
Tabby saluted them all and then marched off towards the gazebo, taking the long way round so Bobby wouldn't know that they were spying.  
  
"So what do think is going on?" speculated Amara as they watched Tabby sneak off  
  
"It's obvious!" said Jamie excitedly as he bounced up and down on his heels, "Evil aliens have come down to earth and have started possessing humans, first they got that Marsha woman, and she got Bobby, and now they're getting Tabby too!"  
  
Nothing was said as everyone looked at Jamie weirdly.  
  
"Ok! Who gave him sugar?" demanded Jubilee, looking around accusingly at Roberto in particular  
  
"Don't look at me that was only one time!" he said defensively, "I swear you make one mistake and no one ever lets you forget it....."he grumbled as the Jamie's jumped around in a circle  
  
"Hey!" said one of the Jamie's, "It could happen"  
  
Sam looked at him pityingly, "Yeah – and Scott's Dad is really alive and he's thah captain of a renegade group in space called thah Starjammers."  
  
Jamie(s) stopped dancing and frowned. "That's just stupid"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"So let me get this straight,"Tabby popped her gum and jumped up so she was sitting on the railing of the gazebo. "You want me to pretend to go out with Bobby, to make Jubilee jealous so she'll go out with him?"  
  
"Exactly" Marsha smiled at her indulgently  
  
"Why doesn't he just ask her out straight, I mean it's not like she'd say no" said Tabitha pointedly  
  
"Because it's apparently not that simple," sighed Bobby, he looked at Marsha and frowned, "Is it?"  
  
"Oh of course not" paffed Marsha dismissively, "You have to make the girl really want you, and trust me, jealously brings out love for someone like no other thing on this planet." Marsha sighed as she thought back to the couples she'd met with yesterday. "Trust me, I know."  
  
"So is that how you get guys to go out with you?" asked Tabitha interestedly  
  
"Er – apparently I'm too flirty," stated Marsha. She threw her hands up in the air in despair. "It's the stupidest thing I have ever heard, I mean HELLO! So not a flirt right?" She looked at Bobby and Tabitha expectantly. The silence just stretched out as they stared at her in disbelief.   
  
"RIGHT?"  
  
"Oh yeah..." said Tabby quickly   
  
"Crazy people, crazy world" added Bobby, he rolled his eyes discreetly then turned to Tabitha, "So you gonna help me or what?"  
  
"Hmm..." Tabby popped her gum again as she thought it over. "What's in it for me."  
  
"I'll give you 50 bucks," said Marsha pointedly  
  
Tabby jumped off the railing and held out her hand. "Lady, you got yourself a deal!"  
  
Marsha grinned wider then a Cheshire cat as she shook Tabitha's hand.  
  
"Ok so here's what you gotta do........."  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
_Back at the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House......_  
  
"FISH???" screamed Pietro. He picked up a dead fish from the pile on the kitchen table by the tail and waved it around maniacally. "I love it!!! Haaahhahahaa! Revenge will be mine oh yes it will..." He smacked Lance over the head with the fish. "Good work minion!"  
  
Lance rubbed his head and sighed. He turned towards the others, "Ok which idiot gave him sugar?"  
  
Gambit shifted guiltily in his seat and held up a hand. "Ok dat might have possibly been Remy"   
  
Lance looked from Pietro dancing on the table with his fish, to Kitty and Rogue arguing over who would get to kick Marsha's ass first to Gambit playing solitaire on the counter. He put his face in his hands despairingly.  
  
"We are so screwed"  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::   
  
"It's terrible you have to come quick!" said Marsha as she burst through the door of the rec. room where the remaining new mutants were gathered.  
  
"What's wrong Lass?" asked Rahne getting up from her place on the couch.  
  
Marsha ran over to Jubilee. "Oh Julia you have to come see I couldn't believe it!"  
  
"My names Jubilee!" she shouted angrily, "And what's got your panties in a twist?"  
  
Jamie sniggered and nudged Roberto "She said panties!" he whispered  
  
"It's Bobby!" said Marsha excitedly, having fun with pissing off Jubilee  
  
"What about Bobby?" asked Ray  
  
"He's.....well ....you'll have to come see for yourself!" she grabbed Jubilee's hand and dragged her out the door. "Come on Justine!"  
  
"IT'S JUBILEE!"   
  
Sam looked at the others, "We're following right?"  
  
They others nodded and began to run after the retreating pair, followed by a few dozen Jamie's singing. "Were off to find the Bobby! The wonderful Bobby of Ice..."  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Tabitha peeked through the open gap in Bobby's doorway. She closed the door fully and turned around.  
  
"They're coming!" she said excitedly  
  
Bobby looked extremely nervous, "So uh...do we like um...hold hands or something?" he tugged at his shirt collar as Tabitha advanced on him with an evil grin.  
  
"Pucker-up!" she said nastily as she jumped in to his arms, causing the two of them to fall back on the bed.  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
"LOOK JESSICA IT'S THE BOY YOU LIKE MAKING OUT WITH ANOTHER GIRL!" said Marsha dramatically as she threw open the door to Bobby's room.  
  
Tabitha pushed Bobby away from her and slapped him. "Don't you ever do that again!" she said huffily before stalking away from him.  
  
Bobby looked in horror at the two girls, "Urgh...this wasn't the plan." He muttered weakly before a pissed off Jubes descended on him.  
  
"ROBERT DRAKE!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! YOU TWO TIMING LITTLE PIECE OF SHI-"  
  
"Someone get the snacks!" Said Ray as they watched Jubilee smack around Bobby with an umbrella that had been lying around in a corner.  
  
"Ow Jubes! Wait! Ow! Just let me explain!"  
  
Marsha watched the violence happily. She loved getting her own back. She sidled over to Ray and Roberto. "You know, it's kind of disgusting that your so called 'friend' betrayed one of your other friends like that. If I were you, I would so get revenge on her behalf ..."  
  
"You know that was really skanky of him leading Jubes on and everything...." Said Ray thoughtfully.  
  
"I say we kick his ass!" said Roberto  
  
"YEAH!" shouted the Jamie's as they all lunged for Bobby at the same time.  
  
Bobby looked over the pillow he was using as a shield to see them all swarming towards him. He jumped up onto the bed in fear. "GUYS LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS PLEASE!"  
  
"Yeah! Ah don't know why y'all are making such a fuss, Ah mean, Ah kissed Jubilee and no-one cared!" said Sam dismissively  
  
"YOU DID WHAT!" said Bobby from his place on the bed. He threw his pillow at the Jamie's and lunged off the bed towards Sam. "DIE!"  
  
"Did he really kiss Jubilee?" asked Amara as she ate popcorn whilst leaning against the wall.  
  
Rahne look at her as if she had lost it. She reached into the tub and took out a handful of popcorn. "Are ye crazy lass? He's just..." Rahne looked over to see Marsha glancing in their direction. "He just felt left out the fight that's all!" she said quickly.  
  
Amara tutted "Boys!" she turned to Rahne, "Looks like fun you wanna join in?"  
  
Rahne smiled at her as she began to morph into her Wolfsbane form. "Yer on Princess!"  
  
Tabby waited until everyone was in the fight before walking up to Marsha. "Ok job done, gimmie!" she held out her hand expectantly as Marsha put two hundred dollars in her palm.   
  
"Thanks kid!" said Marsha happily, surveying the brawl she had created, "This was easier then I thought." She turned to Tabby who was counting the money, "I think I'll go now, by-"  
  
"HEY GUYS I GOT THE MONEY!!!!" shouted Tabitha happily. In a mille-second, everyone stopped fighting and turned towards Marsha (apart from Bobby who was being sat on by several of Jamie's clones).  
  
Jubilee walked over to Tabby and took the money happily. The girls hi-fived each other.   
  
"Oh-oh" said Marsha as the others blocked off the doorway and her escape route.  
  
"Yah damn skippy!" said Jubilee as she lunged for Marsha who ducked under her swinging fist and ran right into the others, who circled around her leaving her totally, and utterly trapped.  
  
"Crud!" sighed Marsha as she waited for her second beating of the day.  
  
"mhah mhah mehll" mumbled Bobby from under the Jamie clones as Jubilee circled Marsha sinisterly.   
  
"Clever plan trying to bring us down, but you forgot one thing!" she brought out her cell phone with a flourish. "Modern communications! Tabby told us all about your plan before you could carry it out!"  
  
"Mhay mhidnt manymhon mell me!" said Bobby from under the Jamie's.  
  
"Aww let him um Jamie...es" said Ray pityingly.  
  
Jubilee walked over to Bobby and sighed, she rested her elbow on one of his shoulders. "We didn't tell you because you were stupid enough to go along with it in the first place...that and you're a crappy actor!"   
  
She looked at him and smiled. "You know, if you like, wanted a date you could have just asked!"  
  
Bobby looked at her through one swollen eye and grinned. "Really? So you wanna go to the movies with me tomorrow night?"  
  
Jubilee shrugged, "Eh...maybe"  
  
"I like that your unpredictable." Said Bobby pointedly as they turned back towards the others.  
  
"So what are we going tah do with this hussie" asked Sam indicating Marsha with his head.  
  
Marsha quivered miserably as they tossed about suggestions.  
  
"I say we boil her in chocolate" said Tabitha   
  
"Set her on fire!" Amara suggested as she created a small fireball and began to toss it around.  
  
"Electrocute her"   
  
"Torch her car"  
  
"HIT HER WITH A CHAIR!" said Jamie excitedly  
  
Amara looked at him and sighed before turning to Rahne. "You know you really shouldn't let him watch Jerry Springer with you."  
  
Rahne just rolled her eyes as Bobby stepped forward.  
  
"Or......we could just freeze her underwear" as he zapped some ice at Marsha's ass.  
  
"AIYEEEEEEEEE! HOLY CRAP ITS SOOO COLD TAKE IT OFF!!! TAKE IT OFF!!!"  
  
"Are ye videotaping this Sammy?" asked Rahne   
  
Sam whipped out the portable camcorder. "Don't yah just know it!" he said happily as he watched Marsha's trek around the room.  
  
Marsha finally slowed down and stopped next to Bobby. "You know after you get over the initial shock," she said breathlessly, "this actually feels quite nice." She reached into her jacket pocket and pulled out a card, you know I'm having this party next week and I'd really appreciate it if you would come over and well...you know." She said saucily as Jubilee looked on in disbelief.  
  
"I can't believe you!" she said exasperatedly. "JAMIE! CHAIR! NOW!"  
  
A few Jamie's happily tossed Jubes a chair as Marsha ran behind Bobby.   
  
"Save me" she squealed as Jubilee advanced menacingly.   
  
Bobby moved out the way and next to Jubes. "No thanks!" he sniffed as he put an arm around Jubilee. "I'd rather help my girl thanks."  
  
"Nice try, but we're still going to get you for being a stupid ass!" sang Jubilee   
  
"Phooey!" exclaimed Bobby as he went to watch the festivities in the corner.  
  
Ray stood on Bobby's bed as he provided the commentary for the ongoing action.   
  
"And Jubes swings at shrinko with the chair but the shrink ducks. OOOOOHHH! But our girl didn't miss the second time as Marsha gets a chair to the ass!"  
  
Jubilee dropped the chair and did peace signs to her crowed who all cheered.  
  
"I think it's time for some fireworks!" she said happily as she chased Marsha around the room. Marsha was doing quite well until Tabby decided to stick out a foot and trip her over.  
  
A few seconds later....  
  
"MY HAIR!" screamed Marsha as some of Jubilee's fireworks got a little too close for comfort.   
  
"Pretty" said Amara to Jubilee as they watched Marsha streak around the room with flames trailing out behind her looking for water.  
  
"I try." replied Jubilee as Marsha opened a bottle of coke and tipped it over her hair.   
  
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Jubilee's face fell as Marsha's face contorted nastily.  
  
"And the moral of this story is...." began Ray  
  
"Never mess with a girl's hair." finished Tabby as they watched Jubilee throw objects in Marsha's way as she dashed around Bobby's room to avoid the seriously pissed off shrink.  
  
"GUYS A WEAPON WOULD BE NICE!" cried Jubilee as she ran past the bed for the second time on which the others were now all sitting.  
  
Rahne tossed a Frisbee at Jubilee which she caught as she jumped over the fallen chair in the middle of the room.  
  
Jubilee paused to see what she had actually been given. "What the freakin' hell am I supposed to do with this?" she exclaimed as Marsha charged towards her. In a moment of panic, Jubilee blindly tossed the Frisbee at the advancing woman, smacking right in between her eyes.  
  
"OW!! My eye!" screamed Marsha as she bent over in pain, holding her face. Bobby took this opportunity to ice the floor under their opponents feet, causing her to slide haphazardly towards....   
  
"The window!" shrieked Tabby as she jumped up, just as Marsha smacked against the windowsill and tipped out of the open second story window.  
  
All the New Mutants rushed to the window, looks of horror etched on their faces.  
  
"Is she dead?" asked Bobby fearfully from the back.  
  
"Er...not exactly." Said Amara as she pulled Bobby to the front. He looked over to see that Marsha had landed in the bushes under his window and was sitting up and looking around in a daze.  
  
They heard her give out a small 'ow' before she fainted, falling in an undignified heap across a prickly clump of twigs.  
  
"Should we help her?" asked Sam as he closed his video camera. The group exchanged looks.  
  
"NAH!"  
  
"Anyone else feel like pizza?" asked Bobby as they turned away from the window.  
  
"Dinner's on me!" said Jubilee happily as she brought out the money they had scammed off Marsha with a flourish.  
  
"WAIT A SEC!" said Bobby as something hit him, the others turning to look at him in surprise. Bobby turned to Sam "Did you really kiss Jubilee?" he demanded angrily  
  
Sam looked at Jubilee apologetically, "No offence, but as yah would put it 'Ew!', Ah mean you're lahke mah little sister! Ah was just saying it for show."  
  
"Oh...that's ok then." Said Bobby haughtily.  
  
"Hey when are we going to get Bobby for being so stupid?" asked Tabby  
  
"Hmm...right now is cool," said Jubilee thoughtfully. "What's about you guys?"   
  
"Now's cool" said Ray as the others nodded in agreement.  
  
"TAPE HIM TO THE WALL!" suggested Jamie happily  
  
"You wouldn't" said Bobby apprehensively as he backed away from the others.  
  
Sam found a roll of duct tape and pulled out a long strip.  
  
"Oh Ah think we would!"  
  
A few minutes later, Bobby had been securely fastened to the wall with several rolls of duct tape.  
  
"Bye dude we'll save you some pizza" said Ray giving Bobby the thumbs up as he strolled out the door.  
  
"See you later hon!" said Jubilee jokingly as she finished drawing Bobby a pair of lips on the tape across his mouth with lipstick. She the lips a quick kiss before she pulled out the money and shouted "LET'S GO TO THE MALL!".  
  
Bobby watched as his friends strolled out the room.  
  
"May muys! Mu mahnt meahve mme mere! Muys? Muys! Mah mrap!"  
  
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  
  
Ororo sipped her tea as she enjoyed her stroll around the garden. She walked past a clump of bushes and was about to take another sip when she noticed something. She backtracked a few paces to see a young woman looking very bedraggled and battered sleeping in her bush.   
  
The ends of her were smoking a little.   
  
"How odd" said Ororo as she created a small wind and proceeded to lift the woman towards the med bay.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
**Some Interpretations (a.k.a. what Bobby said when he was being sat on or was taped to the wall)**  
  
"mhah mhah mehll" = _What the hell_  
  
"Mhay mhidnt manymhon mell me!" = _Why didn't anyone tell me!  
_  
"May muys! Mu mahnt meahve mme mere! Muys? Muys! Mah mrap!" = _Hey guys! You can't leave me here! Guys? Guys? Ah crap!  
  
_As you can probably guess, the next chapter will be a Rolo (yeah I finally got round to it:) ) It will also probably be my last coupling chapter before I do the final chapter, unless there are some couples that you still want being done. If so tap that review button and tell me which.  
  
REVIEW!!!! Tell me what you think of this chapter as well as giving me some ideas for the next....  
  
So what exactly is Pietro going to do with all the fish? What happens when Marsha meets the Wolverine and when Rogue and Kitty come home to find a familiar looking sports cars parked in their drive way? Also, when will Bobby get off that wall?  
  
Stay tuned mon amis, I dunno if you'll find it funny but I promise severe stupidness :)  
  
Ciao  
  
Soulstress 


	7. Rolo aka Death By Louis Vuitton

**Disclaimer - I own nothing but the idea and the character of Marsha :: smacks a lawyer over the head with an umbrella:: Ha! See if you can sue me now:: Lawyer hands over a summons for physical abuse:: doh.....**

First off all I want to thank Angel of the Fallen Stars for giving me a fantastic idea for another chapter! So after Rolo, we'll have a little Evietro....he, he, he.....Marsha's gonna have a little fun with the speedster. Now should I make it Death By Spatula II, or something entirely different?

Thanks as always to my wonderful reviewers......

Amelia (Your review was so sweet!), Demon Rogue 13, Pyro Lady, Valoofle, Riderazzo (my other fic is a lancitty, read it if you can be bothered/want to), Universal Anime Girl (CPOOPGaP??? I love it!!! Its fun to say...and yes Rogue has traumatised her the most, after all the first is always the worst right?), Angel of the Fallen Stars, Pyro Tsunami and Lancitty 92.

Y'all Rock!

Hope you enjoy the chapter:)

'hakuna matata' = thoughts dude

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**Rolo a.k.a Death By Louis Vuitton**

Marsha opened her eyes slowly to see something white hovering above her. She blinked and the image focused into a beautiful, African women with white hair.

She sat up and looked around wearily, she looked like she was in a hospital room of some kind. "Where the freak am I?" she asked the white haired woman, "And who are you?"

"My name is Ororo Munroe, I'm a teacher here at the Xavier Institute. I found you outside unconscious and in a bush." said Storm serenely as she passed Marsha cup of coffee.

Marsha grabbed the cup, took a big swig and sighed blissfully.

"Would you like to tell me what exactly you were doing in one of our bushes?" probed Ororo quietly as she took a seat next to the bed.

Marsha eyed the women wearily, would she see her side of things or just think that she was a pervert?

'She'll think I'm a pervert' thought Marsha decisively.

"My name's Marsha Wainthrope, I'm a relationship counsellor, I was on my way to meet a client and I think I took a wrong turn somewhere. I was trying to find someone to ask for directions but then I must have fainted in your bush."

Ororo raised an enquiring eyebrow. "Haven't had anything to eat all day, makes a girl queasy." rushed Marsha as she took another swig of her coffee nervously

Ororo was about to probe her further when a man walked in, he was on the short side had a certain feral quality to his looks.

"Hey Ro', can I borrow ya for a sec?" he asked in his gruff and manly voice.

"Of course Logan, I'll be right back" Ororo told Marsha as she walked gracefully over to her companion.

Marsha took this opportunity to scrutinise the guy she was talking to. Now that she thought about it he was actually pretty buff. The hair actually worked for his overall look, which she noted happily, involved leather. And he wasn't really that old, he looked about 10? 15? Years old then her. She decided to quit perving and start eavesdropping so she could see if he was taken or not.

Logan was growling something quietly to Ororo "He coming down today, do you think he - "

"Mean's any threat?" Ororo shook her head "Maybe he's just here to have a chat-"

"With Charles, yeah that's what he said." Nodded Logan, "But I was wondering if we should-"

"Set up some security measures anyway?" Ororo finished for him. "I don't think there's any need, I mean all he ever does when he comes over is - "

"Get drunk?" laughed Logan, "You're right, the guy will probably be too wasted to try anything. He a bad influence on -"

"Charles? I know but we might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Before long he'll be making, you me and Hank -"

"Work? Ha! That'll be the day!" said Logan as he headed towards the door. "He'll be here in 20 minutes Ro' don't miss it."

"I won't" said Ororo flirtingly as she walked back over to Marsha who looked heavily disappointed.

"So is that's you're husband?" asked Marsha dejectedly. It was obvious from the way that these guys finished each other sentences that they had been married for absolutely forever.

Ororo looked shocked. "W-whatever gave you that idea?" She stammered

"Err...the complete and never faltering eye contact, the finishing of each others sentences..." said Marsha pointedly

"I don't know what you're..."

"It's obvious you have the hots for the guy!" stated Marsha

"Well I think you're mistaken. Logan is my long-time colleague and friend. Nothing more." said Ororo with a note finality as she sat down again

Marsha leaned over conspiratorially. "He definitely fancies you, you know"

Ororo blushed, "Well that's just silly, Logan would never - really?" asked Ororo interestedly

Marsha nodded as she finished off her coffee. "Oh yeah, definitely. It's was obvious from your conversation that he disturbed you for no reason, he just wanted to talk to you...."

"That was a really pointless conversation." admitted Ororo, "Lord knows Magneto has been coming here for years just to get drunk and go to strip bars with Charl - what were you doing listening in on our conversation?" exclaimed Ororo angrily

"I was bored...oh! And err....erm .... I was just admiring the wonderful relationship you two have!" said Marsha quickly to cover up her blunder.

"That's preposterous! There is no relationship between Logan and me! I have never seen him in that way." replied Ororo steely

"Really? I'd screw him in a heartbeat." said Marsha flippantly.

"I beg your pardon..."

"I mean yeah he's short, but check out those muscles!" continued Marsha oblivious to Ororo's growing rage.

"I really don't think you..."

"Ok, so mutton chops are over but I think he pulls them off. Make's him seem all rugged...."

"I really haven't noticed..." blushed Ororo

".... And that leather! Hoo yeah! Not to mention..."

"Will you please...." began Ororo angrily

"...he's probably an animal in bed! And..."

"DESIST!" raged Ororo loudly. Jerking Marsha out of her soliloquy as Ororo stood to her full height. Lightening flashing in her eyes as well as outside....

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"This is it!" said Evan happily as he eyed the half-pipe skate ramp he had built on the roof of the institute. He snapped on his helmet, put one foot on the board and was about to push off when a bolt of lightning came out of nowhere and destroyed his beloved ramp to cinders.

"Ah man! Not again! Thanks a lot Auntie O!"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Uh-oh!" said Marsha fearfully as she watched lighting crackle at the hands of the weather goddess.

"LOGAN IS MY MAN YA HERE ME?" screamed Ororo as she zapped Marsha with a bolt of lightning "NO-ONE TALKS ABOUT HIM THAT WAY EXCEPT ME!"

"But you're not even - OW! Going out with -OW! HIM!" shouted Marsha as she dashed under a table and avoiding a bolt of lightning just thrown by Ororo.

Ororo created a wind as her eyes turned a brilliant white. She sent the wind swirling into the table, causing it to fly straight up leaving Marsha exposed.

"Will you stop if I give you money?" asked Marsha hopefully as Storm flew over to her.

Storm cancelled the wind and floated back down to the ground. "How much money?" she asked interestedly.

Marsha ran over to her bag and tipped the contents upside down. 'Sex toy, sex toy, sex toy, keys, diary, sex toy, cell phone, handcuffs, ah - ha! Wallet!' She grabbed the wallet and emptied out he contents. She did a quick count and then turned around.

"$341 and 62 cents?" said Marsha hopefully

"Hah!" scoffed Ororo, "You are going to have to do better then that! No one talks about my Wolvie poo like that...no-one..." She floated into the air and Marsha checked the rest of her wallet desperately.

"I'll throw in a Starbucks voucher!" cried Marsha as Storm advanced on her

Ororo paused next to Marsha in mid air "I'm more of a tea-girl my self...."

"It's for a free muffin?" added Marsha hopefully

"What kind?" deliberated Ororo

"Chocolate!" said Marsha thrusting the coupon into Ororo's hand.

"Ok!" said Ororo tucking the coupon into her bra nonchalantly along with the money whilst Marsha shoved her things in her bag and ran for the exit.

"Hahaha Sucker!" said Ororo as she flew in front of Marsha and zapped her with another lightning bolt.

"OW! You tryin' to set my ass on fire?" screamed Marsha as she patted at her skirt, which was steaming.

"Yes," said Ororo happily "Yes I am. Thinking you can talk about my Wolvie like that" Ororo's eye twitched horribly, "He's mine." Twitch. "All mine!"

Marsha edged towards the exit slowly while the freaking looney continued to ramble psychotically. She lunged for the door threw it open and dashed outside. She had just reached the stairs when a shoe hit her head, causing her to topple all the way down.

"Ow, ow , ow , ow , ow ,ow ,ow......"

"I knew these heels were multi-purpose!" said Ororo happily before going off to find Logan. She stopped as she just realised she'd thrown one of her $600 Louis Vuitton shoes at Marsha's head.

"Dammit!" muttered Ororo as she conjured a wind to bring back her lost shoe. "By the way, thank you for the free muffin!"

'Damn I really wanted that muffin' Marsha thought desolately from the bottom of the stairs. 'I should really get up.....Nah' was Marsha's last thought before she once again slipped into unconsciousness

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Slap!

Slap!

Slap!

"Ow...." mumbled Marsha. She opened her eyes to see a boy with bleach blonde hair getting ready to slap her again.

"I'm awake!" said Marsha frantically. Evan stopped his hand millimetres away from Marsha's face. "Oh" he said before offering her a hand up.

"Who are you?" They asked each other at the same time

"I asked first!" they said together again

"Stop it!" screamed Evan at the same time as Marsha. Evan took a step away from her and rolled his eyes. "I'm Evan, I live here. What were you doing sleeping at the bottom of our stairs?"

"I got unconscious ok?" snapped Marsha "I'm Marsha and if you don't mind I want to go home."

"There's the door," said Evan indicating the door with his head, "Don't let it hit your sizzling butt on the way out."

"Huh?" Marsha turned her head to see that there was a large burnt patch on the seat of her skirt. "My poor Prada skirt" she mumbled as she extinguished a growing flame with her hand. She straightened her jacket and was about to turn around and leave when a thumping base sound caught her attention.

"Is that 50 cent?" asked Evan in shock as he walked towards the downstairs study, from where it seemed the loud music was blasting. A curious Marsha tagged along.

"OH MY GOD!" shouted Evan as he opened the door to find Magneto and Xavier in only grass skirts and flowers garlands dancing (and wheeling) around like idiots and attempting to do the hula, whisky bottles in hand. Beast was breaking dancing and Wolverine on the other hand was sitting in a chair and making out with Ororo.

"Go! Go! Go! Go shorty!" Logan sang along happily as he took another swig of his beer and went back to frenching his gal.

"AUNTIE O! STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!" screamed Evan in horror before running away. "Never gonna be clean, never gonna be clean, never gonna be clean....."

Logan and Ororo broke away from each other with silly smiles on their faces. Ororo looked at Marsha and her face flushed with anger. "Look that's the woman I was telling you about!"

Wolverine got up slowly, "Don't worry darlin', I got this."

SNICKT

Marsha looked at the claws, took a step out the room and ran for her life. She seriously needed to get out of this freak place.

Wolverine retracted his claws and then kissed his knuckles. "I love these babies! They're scare everyone." He said happily, he walked back over to Ororo and went to pick up his beer. He looked up to see Hank chugging it down.

He growled, and jumped at Hank claws extended. "Give me back my beer!" Hank whimpered and then passed it back before running off to a corner and shaking uncontrollably.

Logan turned back to Ororo. "See what I mean?"

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"Ok so we'll see you guys tomorrow at 12, outside that slut's office." said Kitty as she got out of Lance's jeep followed by Rogue.

"Oh mah gawd." said Rogue slowly

"What's de matter cherie?" enquired Gambit

Rogue simply pointed at the silver sports car lying in their driveway.

"Ok does that woman have a tracker or something? Cos' this is bordering on scary." stated Lance

Gambit just shook his head "I say we get de hell out of here while we can, mes amis"

"Yeah" said Kitty evilly rubbing her hands together, "You guys go home and prepare for tomorrow, me and Rogue are gonna totally have some fun."

Lance looked at his girlfriend. "I fear you," he said simply as Kitty looked pleased with herself.

Rogue eyed the car and produced an axe from nowhere. "Let's see how that hussie likes her precious car when Ah'm done with it."

"De femme's are sexy when dey evil non?" Remy whispered to Lance who nodded appreciatively as he started up the car again.

"Shouldn't we wait f' speedy?" asked Remy as Lance backed out of the Xavier Institute.

"Nah he's busy pranking Evan. He'll probably be gone a while..."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pietro grinned as he looked at his masterpiece; he had covered every inch of Evan's precious skateboard with pink bubblegum. Now if only he could find him. He grabbed the board by the wheels and raced off.

"OWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Pietro looked at the person he had just bashed into in his hurry. "Can't you watch where you're...YOU!"

"Oh crud...." said Marsha as Pietro dropped the skateboard, disappeared and re-appeared in an instant.

"You-can-run-now" he said with an evil grin, he held up a spatula and smacked it into his palm menacingly.

"Bad day, Bad day, Bad day..." moaned Marsha as she ran from Pietro and that bloody spatula.

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REVIEW!!!! And tell me what you think as well a suggestions for more couples and evil, evil ideas for the Evietro chapter. Which is basically going to consist of Marsha convincing Pietro he likes Evan and then embarrassing himself horribly..... he he he he yes I know, I'm sick.

Also Rogue and Kitty are going to have a little fun with Marsha flashy car...

Ciao

Soulstress


	8. Evietro aka Death By Peroxide

**Disclaimer – Simon Says...."say you don't own anything and it all belongs to marvel!" Me:: Can't be bothered to repeat that so ... ditto!**

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter........

DemonRogue13, Morrigan Fearn (as weird as it sounds I actually ::gasp:: like Evan! Though its mainly to do with the way he's voiced. He has nice voice-isation), Lyranfan, SickmindedSucker, Pyro's Gal, Amelia, Pyro Tusnami (Death By Peroxide? Luved it and thankyou:)), Rogue 14, Pyro Lady, Sweety8587, Arain Rowan, Mutant Freek (sorry! I had to write it, but I think you'll like the outcome:) )

You guys are cool cats. Like Felix.

Pyro Lady suggested I do Mystique/ Magneto, which has actually come up several times before in reviews, so if you guys want to see Marsha meet these guys then can I please have a set up and some Ideas cos I can't think of any right now!!

Thanks to - .Pyro Tusnami for the title, Morrigan Fearn and for the ideas, keep em' coming...

You guys will probably noticed but I knicked a scene out of the film Freaky Friday because it made me laugh so much. If you haven't seen it, go watch it because its great and has a brilliant soundtrack (which I actually bought, because it was cheap and I'm sad. Though in my defence I mainly wanted the simple plan track and couldn't be bothered to download it).

'this is a thought' = thought

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**Evietro a.k.a Death By Peroxide**

Marsha peeked out from behind her bush, she sighed a sigh of relief.

'Finally I lost the white haired dude.' She stepped out from behind the bush, pulled a leaf out of her hair.

"HERE'SSSSSSSSSSSSS PETEY!"

"Oh crap!" muttered Marsha as Pietro zipped out from behind her, spatula in hand. Marsha whimpered as she once again began running from the speedster.

_10 minutes later.............._

Marsha flopped down on the ground. "Time out!" she gasped as she held the burning stitch on her side.

Pietro stopped and looked down at her for a second before flopping down next to her.

"Ok! But only cos it's no fun if you don't run! I still hate you!"

"You know your sister had to get a boyfriend sometime!" exclaimed Marsha as she pulled some pills out of her bag.

"Did it have to be Pyro?" said Pietro angrily, "The guys a lunatic!"

"Hey!" said Marsha indignantly as she lifted the bottle to her lips, "He's my cousin!"

Pietro looked at her while she downed a whole bottle of pills in one go. "Things make so much sense now. It's a genetic problem..." he muttered

"What?" asked Marsha as she put the empty bottle in her bag.

Pietro stood up "I said you're-a-nutcase. Start running again already, I'm bored!"

Marsha groaned as she stood up. For some reason, her ass felt heavier then usual. When Pietro fell to the floor, clutching his sides from laughter she looked over her shoulder to see that she had sat on something covered in bubblegum.

"Ewwww!" she exclaimed in horror as she wrenched the board off her ass. Tendrils of gum were still linked to her skirt as she threw the gum-covered object on to the floor in fury.

"What the hell is that?"

Pietro stopped laughing and flipped it over then picked it up by the wheels. "Evan's skateboard!" he said proudly, "I covered it with gum!"

"And you did this because...?" asked Marsha curiously

"Because....He's Evan!" said Pietro pointedly as if this should explain everything.

"Sounds like you fancy him" said Marsha flippantly, deciding to get her kicks before he killed her or something.

Pietro looked horrified. "Thank you for those nightmares!"

"What? He's cute dontcha think?" probed Marsha

"Yeah...Wait! No!" exclaimed Pietro quickly, "I'm straight."

Marsha looked him over scathingly. "Please, Gucci shoes, Armani trousers and shirt not to mention that hairdo....you gotta be at least bi!"

"I don't fancy Evan! I don't like men ok?" rushed Pietro, "I just take pride in my appearance that's all! Besides, not like Evan's gay either"

"Have you seen how low that boy wear's his trousers?" exclaimed Marsha, "He just wants all the other guys to recognise his boxer brand."

"Calvin Klein..." sighed Pietro thoughtfully.

"It's typical, you can't accept your good feelings for the boy so you replace them with bad feelings, such as hate." Said Marsha, the shrink in her shining through "And this pranking, is just your way of getting his attention."

"Nah....." said Pietro sceptically, "I'm pretty sure I just hate Evan. Mr thinks he's so hot at basketball, better then everyone else always, hogging the ball..." Pietro grumbled before Marsha put a hand up to silence him.

"See what I mean, you just mentioned the words 'Evan', 'hot' and 'ball' in the same sentence. I think I've seen enough." She grabbed Pietro by the arm and stalked back into the Institute, failing to notice that a few feet away, some one was having fun with her very expensive sport's car............

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"OH MY GOD!" exclaimed Kitty as she opened Marsha's glove box to reveal a hoard of photos.

Rogue stopped twirling around the axe she had used to break into the car, ok so she accidentally caused a whole door to fall off but she didn't really care.

She leant over to see the stack of photos Kitty was holding and took half.

"Is that Brad Pitt?" exclaimed Kitty happily as she went through her pile. "I'm totally keeping that one..."

"Pharell Williams, Tyson Beckford, Ashton Kutcher...." continued Rogue ecstatically as she sifted through the pile. "OH GROSS!" exclaimed Rogue in disgust whilst hurriedly shoving a photograph to the bottom of the pile.

"Let me see," said Kitty leaning over and taking the photo off Rogue. "Ewwwwww! That woman is sick. I mean George Bush? I like, don't even wanna know how she got that one!"

Rogue nodded as she went through the rest, "Some guy Ah don't know, Some guy Ah don't know.... Oh god it's Remy!"

"Really? Let me see?" asked Kitty interestedly but Rogue pulled the photo out of her line of vision with a smile plastered on her face.

"He's never allowed tah leave meh," she stated as she shoved the picture into her trouser pocket for later viewing.

"These guys must like, all be from other towns, there's so many!" stated Kitty as perused her collection. "Hey it's Duncan! Huh,...so that's why Jean dumped him...."

Rogue took that photo and stuck it in her pocket as well. Kitty looked at her curiously. "We can stick it on the school bulletin board later" she explained evilly

"He'll like, never get another cheerleader ever again!" said Kitty happily

"Mah God! What the hell are yah and Lance doing in this one?" asked Rogue as she held up a very incriminating Polaroid. Kitty wrenched it out of her grasp.

"I can't that believe that bitch took photo's!" she said in horror as she stared at the picture of her and Lance looking very distracted on Marsha's desk. Kitty smiled after a while, "That was fun though!"

"And here's Lance!" said Rogue as she held up the next photo. "Well, well, well....now Ah see why y'all keep getting back together..."

"Mine!" said Kitty as she snatched the picture of her boyfriend out of Rogue's grasp. "This woman is like, even sicker then we thought, I say we total her car!"

Rogue held up her axe then smiled, "I thought yah would never ask."

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"What the hell are we doing in this nut joint?" asked Pietro as Marsha dragged him inside.

"Your going to tell Evan you love him." Stated Marsha as she walked back to what she thought was the boy's wing.

"Whoa! Hold up, I don't think so!" said Pietro as he wrenched his arm out of her grasp.

Before Marsha could say anything Scott's room door opened and he walked out, shower things in hand. Marsha grabbed Pietro and dragged him into the nearest room before he could see them.

"What was that about?" asked Pietro as he watched Scott walked past through the keyhole.

Marsha was frantically searching her bag for her Polaroid camera. "Ah haa!" she said happily before dashing out the room quietly, leaving behind a very confused Pietro.

"WHAT THE HELL!! GET OUT OF HERE YOU PERVERT!!"

Marsha dashed back into the room a happy expression on her face.

"I think we should just lay low in here for a while." She said conspiratorially as she tucked her camera back into her bag.

Pietro looked around, wondering whose room they were in. He turned and saw his face on a dartboard.

He rubbed his hands together happily. "Yay! Evan's room, hehehehehe" He dashed around creating a mess and scribbling 'I smell' over all of his textbooks.

Marsha rolled her eyes at him and examined Evan's CD's. 'Rap, Rap, Rap, Hip Hop, Punk Rock, Britney Spear's – huh? '

She held up the CD and stuck out a foot, tripping over the speedster.

"Hello? The guy listens to Britney Spear's. He's definitely gay."

Pietro looked up at her from his position on the floor, "Hey I have that CD"

"See what I mean, "said Marsha "You two are made for each other."

"No. We hate each other." Said Pietro as he got up

"Oh just admit it! You think he's gorgeous" she began to sing, "You want to date him, Kiss and caress him, love him and marry-"

"I think you're insane." Stated Pietro, "Oh wait I already knew that!"

"Hey I am a professional, Ok?" sniffed Marsha, "Every couple I've fixed up have stayed together, and do you know why? Because I'm a freaking descendant of cupid! I mean who do you think introduced Brad Pitt to Jen An?"

"No way! That was you?" asked Pietro in admiration

Marsha shrugged nonchalantly, "Well I don't like to brag..."

"Wow" said an awed Pietro slowly, "So you really think me and Evan would make a good couple? That I really like Evan instead of hating him?"

"Definitely, all you have to do is woo him the right way, and luckily for you, I know what that way is."

Pietro merely nodded at her dumbly, he looked around at the destruction he had caused.

"Oh man I gotta tidy up Evan's gonna be so mad!"

Marsha smiled to herself evilly. 'Man this kid is dumb, this better not backfire like last time'.

Pietro stopped tidying and looked at Marsha, "So where do you think Evan is anyway?"

Marsha shrugged, "I saw him a while ago, wonder where he went..."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**{Boys Bathroom, Xavier Institute}**

Evan poured more soap into his hands and scrubbed at his skin.

"Never gonna be clean. Never gonna be clean. Never gonna be clean..." he muttered to himself as he rocked back and forth

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"This is stupid." Said Pietro as he looked up at Evan's bedroom window.

They were now outside, waiting underneath Evan's window. Marsha put her binoculars to her eyes again. "He still aint there, and there is nothing stupid about this! Do you want Evan or not?"

Pietro frowned, "Not really." He said honestly

Marsha thwacked him over the head with her binoculars. "Do you want a happily ever after like Brad and Jen or not?"

"Yes..." sighed Pietro as he rubbed his head

"Then shut up and sing god dammit!" Marsha looked towards the window. "He's in!"

She ran out of the way and then gave Pietro a thumbs' up.

Pietro cleared his vocal chords and then began to sing...

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Evan shoved his used clothes into the laundry basket and opened his drawer. He looked at all the white vests.

'Hmmmm...choices...choices...I think I'll go with the white vest today. Makes me look buff'

He slipped it on and was about to go preen in the mirror when something that sounded like a strangled cat singing caught his attention.

_"SHOW ME! HOW DO YOU WANT IT TO BE! TELL ME BABY! COS' I NEED TO KNOW NOW, WHAT WE'VE GOT!"_

'Huh?' Evan edged towards the window fearfully.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed as he saw Pietro underneath his window singing.....was that Britney Spears?

_"MY LONLINESS IS KILLING ME! AND I...I MUST CONFESS I STILL BELIEVE... STILL BELIEVE!"_

Marsha was laughing herself silly as she watched Pietro make an ass of himself. 'Man I wish I had a video camera, ooh and some snacks!'

Pietro felt like such an ass doing this but on the upside at least the song was one of his favourites....

"_WHEN I'M NOT WITH YOU I LOSE MY MIND! GIVE ME A SIGN..... HIT ME BABY ON_...OOF!"

Pietro was sent flying a good few feet when one of Evan's shoes smacked into his skull.

"Hey you idiot watch what your doing!" he exclaimed angrily, then he remembered why he had just been singing, "I mean...how are ya?"

"I was fine until you decided to sing dude." Said Evan as he looked at Pietro as if he was an idiot. "What are you doing man?"

"I'm er....trying to serenade you?" offered Pietro

"Me?" scoffed Evan, "Why would you be trying to ....oh man. Ray was right." Evan backed away from the window in horror. "ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

"Huh." Said a bemused Pietro, "Wonder where he went."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Never gonna be clean, Never gonna be clean, Never gonna be clean..." Evan threw the empty bottle of soap over his shoulder and grabbed another. "Mmmmm...... strawberries. Never gonna be clean, Never gonna be clean, Never gonna be clean...."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pietro looked over at Marsha who was on the floor laughing very, very hard.

"Oh I get this now!" He said angrily as he zipped over to Marsha who had time to let out a small "Uh-oh" before he grabbed her by the arm.

"I knew I didn't like Evan! I mean his dress sense is crappy for one thing, and not to mention that hair....you don't even know Brad Pitt do you?" accused Pietro

"Well...not in the strictest sense no. But I've seen him naked?" she admitted she pulled her arm out of Pietro's grasp and backed away. "I think I'll just go home now, water the plants...."

Pietro rushed in front of her again. "Oh no you don't! First I'm going to kill Evan! Because I hate Evan! Then I'm going to kill you, because I really, really hate you!"

He grabbed her arm and the rushed off into the institute checking every room upstairs at such high speeds that Marsha could only see a blur.

"Ah-ha!" he said with a flourish as they finally stopped. Marsha felt a gush of wind as Pietro raced off again, she looked up to see herself in a bathroom, in front of a very startled Evan, naked in the shower.

"Hello!" said Marsha happily as she brought out her trusty camera and began to click away.

"GET OUT!" screamed Evan as he tried to cover himself with the shower curtain whilst throwing bottles of shampoo at her head.

Pietro rushed back in and threw something at Evan with a malicious smirk on his face. "I hate you!" he said happily as he watched Evan look in horror at his bubblegum covered skateboard.

"My baby....what have you done to my precious baby...." He moaned as he hugged the board to himself forlornly.

Pietro smiled happily at having broken his enemy's spirit, he turned to Marsha.

"And now, it's time for you to get reacquainted with Mr Spanky!" said Pietro happily as he brandished his spatula again.

"You named your spatula?" asked Marsha in surprise

"What's your point? Now get running!"

Marsha reached out and grabbed the spatula out of Pietro's hand and then ran off.

Pietro picked up one of the bottles from the floor and raced after her.

Evan watched them go with growing fury. "Maximoff I'm gonna kill you!" he shouted.

He jumped from behind the shower curtain and was going to put on some clothes when he realised that his skateboard was stuck to his chest. He made a few half-hearted attempts to wrench it off, but it was good and stuck.

"Oh crud..."

"Run! Run! As fast as you can! You can't get away from" Pietro struck a pose, "The sexiest man ever!"

"Yeah! But I'm gonna try!" shouted back Marsha as she raced down the stairs. Pietro stuck his tongue out in concentration and aimed.

"Not again!" exclaimed Marsha as the bottle smacked the back of her head and she went toppling down the stairs. Marsha rolled to a stop at the bottom followed by the bottle.

Which was open.

Which was pouring out onto her hair.

Which said Peroxide on the label.

"Ahhhh!!!! My hair!" she screamed as she sat up and saw the dye start to turn her luscious brown locks into a straw coloured mess.

"Oooohhh you evil little!!!" Marsha stalked towards Pietro angrily.

"Oh yeah baby! I'm bad! So don't ever mess with the Pietro" Pietro snapped his fingers in her face for emphasis before reaching out and grabbing his spatula back.

"You know...you're kinda hot." Said Marsha as she walked around Pietro slowly, eyeing him up.

"You only realised this now???" exclaimed Pietro

"Well, you did spend quite a lot of time hitting me and running around really fast, you didn't give me time to focus. So, you wanna go do it?"

Pietro looked her up and down. Her hair was a mess but she was still pretty foxy. "Ok! But I still hate you and I'm only doing this cos' I'm easy."

"Heh! So am I!" stated Marsha

Before either of them could say anything else, a door to their left side was thrown open and out wheeled Xavier, still in his grass skirt followed by Magneto (also in his fetching Hawaiian attire), Logan, Ororo and Hank.

"CONGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!" screamed Magneto as they danced past. All off them waving beer bottles in the air.

Pietro stood there for a second in shock before running after them screaming.

"DADDY! YOU PUT SOME TROUSERS ON RIGHT NOW!"

Marsha took this as her cue to go. She raced out the door and towards her lovely ....car.

"What the frick happened to my car?" she exclaimed as she surveyed the wreckage.

All the doors had been taken off, the seats had been ripped up, the tyre's were all slashed and some had thrown the steering wheel about 10 feet away from the actual car.

"We happened" came a southern voice behind her.

She spun around to see Rogue and Kitty standing there.

"Uh...Hi Rogue" ::twitch:: said Marsha nervously, "And Kitty...nice weather were having huh"

"Like what we did to your car?" asked Kitty sweetly

"It's very ... ahh...a-artistic." Stuttered Marsha whilst eyeing the distance to the gate and Rogue's axe at the same time.

"Speaking of art...I totally like what you've done with your hair." Said Kitty with a laugh

"Yah...the art in yah glove box wasn't too bad either." Said Rogue

"You wouldn't...." Marsha dashed to her beat up car, pulled open the glove box and started screaming. "YOU GIVE BACK MY PHOTOS OR I'LL..."

Marsha looked at the commotion at the institute door where it looked like Scott was trying to restrain Jean, who was holding a knife and shouting obscenities in Marsha's direction.

"And I'll...just be going C'ya!"

She ran for the gate as fast as she could, climbed over it and dashed away into the night.

"Wrecking cars if fun." Said Kitty as they turned back towards the institute

"Yeah...." Said Rogue, "Wanna wreck Duncan's sometime?"

"Okay!"

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Sorry for any offence I may have caused a gay person with this chapter. I do fully acknowledge that you don't all like Britney Spears.

REVIEW!!! Tell me what you thought of this chapter :)

Only one chapter left, I'm gonna miss writing about that nympho...

Ciao

Soulstress


	9. Magique aka Death By Cereal

**Disclaimer – if you can't be cool, be feared...my momma always told me that.**

You know I planned for this fic to finish several chapters ago...ah well!

I toyed with the idea of Mystique/Magneto in my head for a while (I know that sounded dirty but moving on...) and came up with something. Hope you like it.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I give you many thanks.

UniversalAnimeGirl (Heressss Roguey! Lol), Life of La=Silverwolf, DemonRogue13, Moonlight152, Sickmindedsucker, Pixie13 (Xavier and Mags? Sorry but that's just 2...scary), Pyro Tusnami, Silent Inquisition (of course there are ways around the untouchable thing re: remy's mesh catsuit comment in chapter 2 ;) ), Riderazzo, Pyro Lady, Sweety8587 and last but not least MutantFreek (I added another one! Ya happy now? Special scene in this chappie just for you)

Seeing as there wasn't an official 'couply' name for mags and the blue lady I want to thank to Ruby631 for the chapter name of 'Magique', just say it, it sounds like ma – geek. It's fun and yes I am demented. Although Lyranfan's Evil M& M was very groovy as well.

'thoughties'

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**Magique a.k.a Death By Cereal**

Marsha scrutinised the shelf containing hair dye. Was she a Chestnut Brunette or a Dark Auburn? She decided on the Dark Auburn, shoved a stray blonde lock back under her cap and strode off towards the cereal section in the supermarket.

She'd be damned if she stayed a blonde a second longer, everyone knew blondes were such sluts...

She selected a box of Lucky Charms (it came with a free mini Barbie doll) and sighed, food shopping was so boring.

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A few aisles away Mastermind smiled at the woman who trying to flirt with what she thought was a gorgeous 6 foot man with dark hair, a tan and a Mediterranean accent.

"So Senorita" he said with a smirk, "My place or yours?"

The busty red head gave him a saucy grin, "Oh my place is definitely closer, I could show you my stamp collection..." She eyed his Armani suit with pleasure, she had a thing for rich, tall dark and handsome men, they bought shoes for you.

"How I about I drive you there?" said Mastermind as he offered the woman his arm.

"That would be great!" she said excitedly as she followed him out the store. "Wow is that your car?" she said with pleasure, eyeing the Bentley Convertible in awe.

Mastermind smiled at what in reality was a beat up red Volkswagen with the paint falling off.

'Oh yeah.... My powers ROCK!"

He just loved supermarkets; you met the nicest people...

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"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING FOOL!"

"Sorry!" Marsha said quickly as she eyed the blue woman in fear. " She hurriedly carried on down the cereal aisle when a shouting caught her attention and she stopped.

She looked back to see the blue woman arguing with someone in a purple cape with a bucket on his head. Marsha could have sworn he looked familiar.

"For the last time Raven, we're getting cocoa puffs!" screamed the man

"Cornflakes!" shouted the woman as she tried to put her cereal in the trolley, only for the metal to close over itself preventing her from doing so.

"Cocoa Puffs!"

"Cornflakes!"

"Cocoa Puffs!"

"Cornflakes!"

"Cocoa Puffs!"

"That's it!" screamed Mystique as she brandished a large gun and pointed at the man in the cape. "Put the damn cornflakes in the trolley Lensherr!"

"Have you taken Pyro's pills again this morning? You know I can stop the shot with my fearsome powers of magnetism..." he said haughtily

"Think again Bucket head, the gun has plastic bullets, now put the damn Cocoa Puffs back, and put my cornflakes in the trolley!" shouted Mystique as she waved the gun around menacingly

Magneto sighed as he slammed his favourite cereal back on the shelf. "Every single time we have a disagreement you go and point a gun at me!" he said huffily

"Well it's not my fault you can't communicate properly!" said Mystique as she put the gun back in her bra, Magneto never really did figure how she managed to fit that big gun in there but that's life huh?

"I can't communicate properly? Every time you don't get your way you go all violent!" retorted Magneto

"Well I'm sorry, but your the one neglecting our relationship all the time by running off and attack humans every chance you get!"

"Hey world dominations hard work you know!" defended Magneto, "Do you know how many hours I put in?"

"Oh please! As if you're really working when you take extended weekend breaks in Paris! Admit it! Your cheating on me aren't you?" shouted Mystique as Magneto looked sheepish; he glanced around hopefully for someone to save him.

"Excuse me?"

Mystique swirled around to find the woman in the pink hat that had walked into her earlier standing right behind her.

"What?" she snapped

"Err.... My name's Marsha Wainthrope, I'm a relationship counsellor. It just seemed like you two were having some problems, I was wondering if I could help?" she ventured hopefully (after all they seemed like they had tons of problems, which would mean loads of sessions and therefore more money...kerching!).

"Yeah you can help," said Mystique harshly, "By telling him what an idiot he is to stray away from this!" she turned around and pointed at her (in Marsha's opinion) perfect ass.

Magneto scoffed, "Like that's your real ass, you Lucy Liu wannabe. She has cellulite you know.," he added to Marsha

"No shit!" said Marsha disbelievingly staring at Mystique's backside a little harder

"Ooooooh I knew I shouldn't have dated my boss!" moaned Mystique, "You never take me seriously!"

"That's because you're an idiot!" Magneto stuck his tongue out her, which was a bad move as Mystique pulled out her gun again.

"Ha! See if you're so cocky now you're looking into the barrel of Ms. Death" breezed Mystique

"Oh go ahead shoot me, at least I won't have to listen to the ranting of a women who names all her guns!" snapped Magneto

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" said Marsha as she got in the middle "You guys really need some time out! So sit your asses down and listen!" she said in her 'Authoritative Shouty Voice No 1'.

"Gees no need to be so tetchy," mumbled Mystique as she put the gun away and sat down on a display of Sugar Puffs.

"Alright..." continued Marsha, "Now it seems to me that your problems all stem from your inability to effectively compromise. There is no 'I' in relationship-"

"Actually there are two," noted Magneto as he used his powers to empty some old lady's cart up side down and remould it into a throne for him to sit on.

"I meant figuratively!" sighed Marsha, "Relationships involve working together for the common good. Now why were you fighting over the cereal types, hmm?"

"She doesn't like cocoa puffs, so apparently I can't eat them either!" pouted Magneto, "Some of us need sugar to run on..."

"Then why don't you buy both boxes? Or compromise and buy Lucky Charms, they have cereal goodness as well as sugar?" asked Marsha

"Because he's cheap!" spat Mystique

"That's not true! I just have to concentrate my funds in other areas." he finished mysteriously

"Please!" said Mystique, "Every week he goes to Xavier's to get drunk and go to strip bars, which I do know is a fact so don't even deny it buster!"

Marsha envisioned the man in a grass skirt. So that's where she'd seen him before!

"We all need our pastimes, " said Marsha diplomatically, "However, if..."

"Mystique"

"Mystique is feeling neglected, then you should create some time for you and her to spend together. Show her that you care" finished Marsha

"But she knows I care, I mean I trust her with all my important jobs, I wouldn't give them to just anybody you know."

"How sweet," deadpanned Mystique "You get to go kill people while I have to baby-sit a house full of lunatics all by myself!"

"Lunatics? Wait you left her with all your kids?" enquired a shocked Marsha

"The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants, psycho every last one of them." clarified Mystique, They're driving me crazy..."

"Too late" interjected Magneto quietly from his throne

"...Wanda is always trying to kill Toad, Toad just stinks, Blob just eats and eats, Lance and that bloody guitar at four in the morning and don't even get me started on your son!" ranted Mystique

"Yeah! He's so violent!" added Marsha indignantly

"Oh sure! Everyone just gang up on me!" huffed Magneto, "I have to live with Pyro you know! Although he has been gone for the last few days....."

"He's my cousin!" said Marsha proudly

"Poor you" quipped Mystique

"Yeah! Poor me! Look what your son did to my hair!" she pulled of her hat and revealed her two-tone locks.

"That Pietro, always such a prankster...he gets that from his mother you know..." said Magneto wistfully as Marsha continued

"Not to mention my car was totally wrecked yesterday because of that psycho Rogue-"

Mystique blinked. "Rogue totalled your car?"

"With an axe and everything, she even took my precious photos...." sobbed Marsha

Mystique smiled, "My baby's all grown up and being a vandal." she sniffed happily, "I'm so proud."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"C'mon Kitty hurry up" said Rogue as Kitty typed into the computer quickly.

"Just a sec.." mumbled Kitty as she concentrated.

They were all in the control room. By all that meant Rogue, Gambit, Kitty, Lance, Jean, Scott, Pietro and the New Mutants, including Bobby who had red marks on his face, which would suggest that someone had ripped something, say...duct tape...off his face in a hurry.

"It's definitely not here. She doesn't have any apartments or houses rented or owned in her name, not except her work place." stated Kitty as she logged out of Bayville City Council's files.

"Dammit" said Rogue, she turn to the boys, "Guess we're just going tah have tah use you boys tah get that hussie's home address.

"Chere y' all sexy when y' orderin' people around." said Remy saucily as he draped an arm around her shoulder

"Keep your hands off her Gambit!" shouted Scott frustratedly, "And you two get down from there!"

Kitty and Lance were busy on another table. "What?" they both said at the same time.

Rogue surveyed her team. "Now that we have extra people, Ah say we go all out. Everyone lets go bag us a whore!"

"Hey I thought I was in charge?" said Pietro indignantly

"Yeah well move over Sugah, cos Roguey's running the show now!" she said as she picked up her trusty axe and waved it around happily

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_Back in the supermarket....._

"Ok sure, at first it was great and we did it like 20 times a day...but now i'm lucky if it's once a month." complained Magneto from his supermarket trolley throne.

"That's also your fault, " countered Mystique " I mean what better bonding activity is their then mini golf? And with our own private course we had so much fun, but now he keeps going on these 'crusades' " Mystique did a fake cough in which Marsha could clearly hear the word 'Disneyland', "and we never have time to play any more."

"Hmmmm....I think you both have some serious issues that need sorting out." said Marsha "Here's the card for my practice, it's on Main Street, call up and book an appointment. Don't forget that every relationship needs time and effort to make it work. "

"Ha!" screamed Mystique suddenly, "Erik's been trying to get me to see a shrink for years! What make's you think I'll turn up now?"

"Oh I don't know Raven, it could be a good idea, and this lovely young woman is so good at understanding our problems."

Mystique bristled with fury, "Oh so she's LOVELY now is she?" She stood up and produced the gun again. "You know what your problem is? You've been sleeping around for so long and I haven't said a thing! Well now I am....It's over!"

"Raven! Wait!" began Magneto before Marsha cut in.

"Ah well now that's over, you wanna go back to my place?" she asked happily

"WHAT!" they both shouted at the same time

"Preposterous!" shouted Magneto

"You wench!" Mystique turned her gun on Marsha.

"Whoa! Easy now, d-don't shoot me!" stammered Marsha as she looked at the big gun.

"Yeah let me kill her!" shouted Magneto, "I am a one woman man, I'll have you know!"

"Really?" asked Mystique

"Of course...sure I may look at other women but I'll always love you" declared Magneto majestically

"That's so sweet!" said Mystique happily, "Come on Erik, let's go play some mini-golf."

Marsha watched as the two walked down the aisle arm in arm and sighed happily. Thank god they forgot to hurt her.

She thought too soon.

Mystique turned around and pointed the gun at Marsha. "Say Goodnight" she said sweetly before pulling the trigger.

Marsha panicked and grabbed the nearest thing and pulled it in front of her.

Which happened to be a box of Lucky Charms. Lucky in this case was correct because the bullet went straight into the free mini Barbie Doll therefore not killing Marsha, which was as mentioned lucky.

Unfortunately the force of the bullet caused the whole packet to explode in Marsha's hands, therefore propelling her several feet backwards and knocking her out. Again.

"Charming..." was all Marsha had a chance to mumbled before she fell into the realm of unconsciousness surrounded by moons and stars. Oh yeah...and the actual cereal.

"CLEAN UP ON AISLE 9!!!"

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Hope you liked it!!! I would like to apologise to all blondes, I know you're not all sluts and it was just mentioned for comedy purpose only...ahem.

So if you could be so kind, tap that review button and you can probably expect 'Death by Crazy Pissed Off Over Possessive Girlfriends and Pietro (DbCPOOPGaP lol thx universalanime girl) very soon.

Ciao

Soulstress


	10. Death By CPOOPGaP

**Disclaimer – Do sore thumbs really stick out?**

Ah here were are...the final chapter...::sigh:: I'm really going to miss writing about that skank....

Thanks to **everyone** who reviewed that last chapter....

EmeraldKatsEye, SkyAngle2004,Sweety8587, SickmindedSucker, Jaina12(more rabbit action just for you), Angel of the Fallen Stars, Loneraven, PyroLady (As a brunette I agree that dark brown hair is pretty), DemonRogue13 (sequal?? What would I write in it??), Mutantfreek(glad you liked it thanks for the idea), Riderazzo, Pixie13

_Universal Anime Girl_ – Yay! You got the double pun, I was very proud of myself for that! No marsha has not been desensitised, but thanks for keeping me in check:) Scott is just being 'no enemy can date a member of my team' Scott, your rhymes were wonderful and I stole your leather catsuit thing I just couldn't resist, and yes Kitty does move fast...there aint only one nympho in this story that's for sure! Thanks for the review made me laugh so much! I only ever got one Barbie as well, two weeks in I broke it whilst beating my sister over the head with it. ::sigh::

Enjoy the last chapter folks!

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**Death By Crazy Pissed – Off Over Possessive Girlfriends (and Pietro)**

"Target sighted at 4'o'clock"

"It's 8am you moron!" said Pietro haughtily

Scott sighed despairingly, "I meant the direction 4'0'clock, not the time...and don't call me a moron you ...you...moron!"

"Hey it's not my fault if you cant say 'over there' like normal people Summer's " retorted Pietro, "and-the-only-moron-over-here is YOU"

"Will y'all hush up before she hears yah?" said Rogue through gritted teeth

Rogue, Gambit, Lance, Kitty, Pietro, Scott and Jean were all hiding behind a clump of bushes on the Main Street watching Marsha limp out of the supermarket with her shopping. She threw open the boot of a red car and began to load her shopping in.

"Damn she brought a car, now we can't like, follow her." Sighed Kitty

"I can follow her." said Pietro smugly

"Hush up boy, either we all go or nothing. Remember the plan?" said Rogue imploringly

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." grumbled Pietro as Rogue turned to Gambit

"Ok Remy, go for it."

"Whatever y' say Chere" said Remy through a yawn. 8 in the morning was not his ideal time for revenge vendettas, but what the hey.

He got up and strolled across the street, heading straight for Marsha. He yawned again and then walked right into her as she bent over to take more things from her trolley.

"Pardon Moi, Mademoiselle..." he said in a nonchalant voice before doing a double take, "Ms Wainthrope? How nice t' meet y' here!"

'Crap' thought Marsha hurriedly, 'I look like hell, here's hoping I got all the cereal out my hair'

"Hi Remy..." she said apprehensively "Look if this is about me breaking into your house and stealing your underwear you should know I only did that for a dare, so if you're looking for revenge you should go find-"

"Whoa, whoa, easy petite. Remy aint mad wit y', whatever gave y' that impression?" said Remy

Marsha frowned, "Er...you screaming 'get out my house you crazy femme', you throwing things at me, you shouting for me to give back your spanky pants-"

Remy cut her off "Oh that...Remy was jus' playing wid y', wasn't gonna hurt ya none. Its just that ...Rogue was over, and she already suspects that I like y'..." he trailed off

"Really?" said Marsha happily repressing the twitches she felt were coming on, "So...how are things between you and Rogue?" ::twitch::

Gambit gave her a conspiratorial smirk, "To be honest, dat femme is a bit more crazy then I thought."

"Tell me about it! She totally wrecked my car, now I have to use a rental!" agreed Marsha

"So how bout' me and you do somethin' sometime?" said Remy seductively, wiggling his eyebrows to emphasise his point.

"Really?" said Marsha happily as she threw in the rest of her shopping, "I'm free tonight?"

"Remy be free den too, ain't dat lucky?" said Gambit happily, "How bout' y' give Remy your address, and he come round and make y' some Gumbo?"

"Why don't I just come round your place?" asked Marsha brightly, thinking she could probably get away with stealing a few more items from his underwear drawer, not to mention a few more pictures...

"Non!" said Gambit a little to quickly for her liking. "Rogue – she always be around, driving Remy crazy! He, he, he ..ahem" he covered quickly

"I don't know..." said Marsha uncertainly, something wasn't right here... "How do I know your not just going give my address to your girlfriend, so she can trash my house with her stupid little friend or something?"

'Uh –oh' thought Remy

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Shit!" said Rogue as she listened to the conversation on her X-communicator with the others.

"We are so busted." Moaned Kitty, "And I'm not little, I'm just petite!

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"What makes y' think that?" said Gambit incredulously, he leaned in and looked her up and down, "Remy jus wanted t' have a little fun, but if y' don't want no Cajun Spice I understand..."

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Ah think we need tah send in Lance, this hussie is not as stupid as Ah first thought..." said Rogue hurriedly as Gambit continued to talk with Marsha

"Yeah Lance hurry up and get out there!" said Kitty, not taking her eyes off Marsha

"Lance?"

They all turned around to see that Lance was sleeping against the wall. Totally unaware of what was going on.

Kitty sighed and thwacked her boyfriend over the head with her bag.

"Huh what?" said Lance as he was rudely awoken. He rubbed his head and looked at the others. "What?" he repeated

"She's suspecting, hurry up and get your butt out there Lancey-boy!" said Pietro

Lance grumbled a bit then got up, he gave one final yawn and then walked off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile, Gambit was having fun with Marsha.

"I'm not saying that I'm not interested, because...well look at you, you're sex on legs. I just don't see why we can't go anywhere else." Said Marsha diplomatically as she closed the boot of the car and locked it.

"Cos' der is nowhere else petit –"

"HEY GAMBIT!"

Both turned around to see Lance walking up to them casually.

"Oh crap!" said Marsha as she hid behind Gambit, searching Lance's hands for a weapon, but they were thankfully free of gigantic shoes.

Lance stopped in front of them and slapped hands with Gambit. He gave Marsha an acknowledging nod before saying. "Hey"

"Er...you're not mad at me either?" asked Marsha hopefully

"Nah stuff like that happens all the time at our house, it's just cos Kitty was around you know how she gets...besides you're hot. "

"I know!" giggled Marsha

Lance smiled at her before turning to Gambit

"So how's things?"

"Not good homme, Rogue be a bit more of a handful then Remy originally thought" sighed Remy

Lance nodded understandingly, "Tell me about it, me and Kitty broke up again, I swear that girl's nuts, I only keep her around for one thing..." he finished smugly

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kitty turned to Rogue and Jean behind the bushes.

"You know, if we hadn't told them exactly what to say, I would so totally kick his ass."

Rogue nodded in agreement and patted her axe fondly, "Yah know it Sugah."

Jeans simply tossed her perfect red locks over her shoulder and smiled infuriatingly. "You know you two should really go for dependable boyfriends like Scott, instead of those two, they are so not perfect."

Scott smiled and put an arm around Jean's shoulder. "You tell em' honey"

"Take your arm off me Scott, I still haven't forgiven you for telling everyone about my nose job!" said Jean huffily

"Yes Jean!" said Scott obediently

"Well it's not lahke we hadn't already figured it out for ourselves yah know." Pointed out Rogue, "And for yah information, Remy is a great guy!"

"Yeah so is Lance!" added Kitty

Jean rolled her eyes "Please"

Rogue waved her axe around menacingly "You wanna make something of it Red?"

"You think you can take me?" said Jean

"Damn straight!" said Kitty as she shook her handbag in Jean's direction, "You know our love lives would be a lot better if you and Scott weren't like, so interfering !"

Pietro and Scott sighed as the girls squabbled. Pietro turned to Scott "You know this would be a lot more interesting if they were all naked and we had popcorn" he said matter-of-factly

"Yeah...WHAT?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"So basically I'm available, you're available, I say we do something" said Lance to Marsha who was looking very tempted.

"That's exactly what Remy's been saying, the femmes are always down our houses, ain't no way we can go dere. Remy don't wanna see Rogue put that axe to use.." he finished off fearfully.

"You know we should have a party to cheer us up, how big is you're place?" asked Lance as he sat himself down on the hood of Marsha's car

"I have a condo but-"

"That's great! I know a great D.J, you probably have loads of hot friends...you have a pool right?" said Lance enthusiastically

"Yes but-"

"Den it's settled, pool party at de lovely Marsha's, Remy make sure he wear something hot jus f' y' petit." Remy winked in Marsha's direction making her giggle happily

"You know what, I could really use a party. Alright!" said Marsha falling for the bait completely

"Yes!" said Lance, "Make sure you invite loads of chicks, what time do you get off work?"

"Yeah I know a lot of girls from the strip club downtown who'd be interested. I finish at half 6, why?" asked Marsha

"Ooooohh, that's cutting it too close. Hey why don't I set everything up for you, that way when you get home the party will already be started and you can jump right in?" said Lance

Gambit shot Lance a small curious glance, what was he playing at?

"You know what that would be great, and if you could lock up all the valuable stuff so no-one breaks it and oh - don't go in the room with the blue door." Said Marsha quickly as she pulled out a pen and a business card out of her bag.

"Why? Is that room reserved for 'special' things?" said Lance saucily

Marsha grinned at the two boys, "You know it, but if you wanna play wait til' I get there. Now here's my address, bring all your hot friends and I'll call mine. Don't forget to invite that Toad boy because we have unfinished business. "She said to Lance who put on a fake smile and tried very hard not to vomit.

She was about to walk off began she came back, "Oh yeah, you'll need keys, here's my spare." She tossed it towards Gambit who caught it deftly.

"COME BACK HERE YOU LITTLE PERVERT!"

The three of them turned around to see Scott chasing after Pietro with a stick of French bread in his hand.

"What the..." began Marsha as Jean, Kitty and Rouge also ran into the scene, then latter two chasing Jean with their axe and handbags respectively.

They all ducked and hid behind Marsha's car as Rogue caught up with Jean and pulled her hair.

"OW! QUIT IT! I'M TELLING THE PROFESSOR"

Gambit turned to Marsha when they had got far enough away.

"And y' wouldn't believe us when we said that we were afraid of dem" he said pointedly

Marsha stood up and straightened her clothing out. "Yeah well...ya seemed to like them enough yesterday..." she walked around to the driver's door and got in.

"See you guys later!" she waved and then drove off.

"Wanna go see what they did to Red?" asked Lance as he looked at the address happily.

"Lead the way Homme"

"Why did she have cereal in her hair?"

"Who knows?"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_3p.m. – While Marsha's away....the couples will play..._

"I can't believe she just gave you her house keys, how stupid is she?" Exclaimed Kitty as the hopped out of Lance's Jeep, followed by Lance and Pietro.

Gambit got off his motorcycle and turned to Rogue who was still sitting on it. "Remy jus' to hot to resist non?"

Rogue giggled and thought of the picture of him she had stolen off Marsha. "Yeah..."

"Hey may I remind you that it was me who got the keys?" said Lance as he walked over to them with Kitty in tow

"Who cares!"said Pietro as he zipped over to the front door of Marsha's house, "Now we don't have to waste time breaking in."

"A little appreciation, that's all I ask!" sniffed Lance as he followed Pietro inside. Kitty patted him on the back consolingly.

"Where's Scott and the other's, they should have been here by now?" asked Rogue several minutes later

"Oh here they are" said Kitty as the black X-Van pulled up, out jumped the new recruits with a whole load of necessary equipment, like paint bombs, followed by Scott and Jean who had a plaster over her nose as if someone, say Rogue, had punched her in the face earlier.

Rogue looked at her assembled crew and grinned maniacally. "Ok people let's have some fun!" She tossed her axe into the air caught and then swivelled around and led the way.

Sam twirled around his baseball bat and turned to Rahne, "Eh...it'll be nice to trash someplace other then the mansion."

"That's true Laddie, WHO WANT'S TO HELP ME SHRED HER CLOTHES??"

"Oooooh Pick me! Pick me!" shouted Pietro excitedly as he picked her up and dashed off upstairs towards the bedroom.

"Everyone here?" asked Scott as Jean stalked off to ruin her plants

"De whole crew..." said Gambit as he loaded up the paintball gun. "Hey Chere! Y' wanna help Remy redecorate?"

"Hell Yeah, fire when yah ready Sugah" said Rogue as she held up her axe.

Remy smirked aimed at a Picasso painting on the wall (fake of course) just to Rogue's left. He fired and the yellow paintball balloon went speeding towards the wall. Quick as a flash, Rogue had sliced it in half with her axe causing the paint ball to splatter in all directions.

Rogue came out from behind the table she had ducked behind to save herself from getting splattered and patted her axe lovingly. "See? Yah can use this for everything!"

"Y' all sexy when ya being homicidal chere, all y' need is a leather catsuit and Remy's fantasy would be complete hahn?" he picked Rogue up and twirled her around

Rogue just grinned, "Hey you buy it Swamp Rat, I'll wear it..." she said huskily before sauntering off with her axe, "Fire when ready Cap'n!"

"Anything y' say Mademoiselle" replied Remy happily whilst reloading his paint gun.

"Wait a second, where are Kitty and Alvers?" said Scott as he realised that they were unaccounted for.

"Funny you should say their names in that order Summer's" said Pietro as he dashed back into the kitchen to get another pair of scissors. "I believe they are having fun with the photocopier in her office. Bye!"

"Wait! What do you mean fun with the....?" Scott turned around in horror "ALVERS!"

He ran over to the room on the side, and was about to open the door when it opened from the other side. Out walked Lance and Kitty holding a stack of paper each.

"What's your problem Summer's?" said Lance as he began to staple photocopies of Bugs Bunny doing the hula to the wall.

"Yeah Scott what did you think we were doing ?" said Kitty as she handed Lance more pictures.

"Ahem nothing...why Bugs Bunny?" said Scott hastily

Lance shrugged. "Well after we finished doing it on the copier...we were bored so we decided to photocopy a thousand of these and staple them to her walls for the hell of it.

Wanna go staple some to her bed?"

"Okay!" said Kitty

Scott watched the two of them walk off towards the stairs before he realised what Lance had said.

"YOU WERE DOING WHAT ON THE COPIER?"

"ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Scott's head jerked towards the direction of the scream it had sounded just like....

"I'M COMING JEANNIE!"

Everyone dashed upstairs and crowded around Jean in Marsha's bedroom. She was looking wordlessly at a big box that she had tugged out from under Marsha's bed.

"What's – whoa! That is the biggest collection sex toys I have ever seen!" said Jubilee as they all peered in to the box. "Hey Jean don't you have a whip like that?"

"Yeah...." Said Scott reminiscently before turning his attention back to the matter at hand. "What's the matter Jean why did you scream? You have most of this stuff at home?"

Pietro let out a low whistle "I knew she was too much of a goody two shoes!"

"Because her collection is bigger then mine!" said Jean angrily, she stomped her foot "You're taking me shopping tomorrow! Or you're so not getting any"

"Please I just ate," said Bobby as the others nodded in agreement

"Maybe we should have this conversation in private Honey, and I'm not getting any at the moment anyway!" said Scott huffily

"Well you shouldn't have told them about my nose job!" said Jean

"Hahaha I knew it, speedy y' owe Remy a coke" said Gambit while Pietro grumbled.

"You know Scott, Jean having so many toys just shows she's not really getting fulfilled...if you catch my drift." Said Lance evilly

"BURN!" said everyone else in the room

"Die!" screamed Scott as he lunged at Lance, only to be lifted into the air by his girlfriend midway.

"Stop being such an idiot Scott, now are you going to help me flood her kitchen or what?" snapped Jean

"Yes Dear!" sighed Scott

"Hmph!" Jean stalked out of the room

Scott turned towards Lance "one of these days Alvers I'm gonna-"

"SCOTT!"

"Coming Jean!"

"WHIPPED!" shouted Lance happily as he watched Scott scuttle off

"Lance are we stapling these or what?" said Kitty from across the room

"Ok Kitty!" said Lance as he dashed over to his girlfriend

Gambit shook his head, "Now dat' is just pathetic"

"Remy can I have $50?" said Rogue sweetly

"What for?"

"Ah just feel like having it."

"Ok!" Gambit handed over the money and Rogue walked off happily.

Ray turned to Roberto, "Remind me never to get a girlfriend."

"Amen" said Roberto "Wanna go toilet paper the house?"

"Yep!"

Bobby found Marsha's underwear drawer and rubbed his hands together evilly. "I'm gonna freeze all her underwear, hahahaha!"

"You know, she'll probably just like that," pointed out Jubilee who continued to cut Marsha's $1300 Gucci dress to strips.

"Hmm...you're right," said Bobby thoughtfully, before freezing the contents of the drawer into one solid block "That's better!"

Jubilee was about to get started on trashing a leather catsuit when Gambit snatched it out of her hands and shoved it under his jacket. "Remy'll be keeping this for personal reason's" he said mysteriously before walking off to find Rogue who had gone to trash Marsha's bathroom (with her axe of course).

Bobby closed her underwear drawer and moved onto the next one. He opened it to find that it was full of boxer shorts.

"Weird!" exclaimed Bobby as he held up a pair of boxer shorts "Why would a chick have so many pairs of boxer shorts?"

"Hey! Those are Lance's!" said Kitty as she ran over and snatched them out of Bobby's grasp, sure enough there was a little tag attached to it that said the words 'Lance – uses a nice smelling shower gel'

"That's true you do," said Kitty to Lance

"Let me get this straight..." said Pietro, "this drawer contains the boxer shorts of every guys she has tried it on with. "Man that is freaky! I can't believe....Hey! I have the same brand underwear as Tom Cruise! I dress like the stars!"

"Oh my god! She has Brad Pitt's boxers!" said Tabby happily "I'm keeping these!"

"Ye'll have to fight me for them lassie!" said Rahne as she leapt off the bed, transformed into her Wolfsbane form and grabbing the boxers in her mouth, before tearing out the room with Tabitha hot on her heels.

"Wow! She even has Johnny Depp's boxer shorts. He is so awesome!" said Amara happily as she rummaged through the pile.

Pietro's head snapped up "Johnny Depp? I love Johnny Depp! Gimmie!" he tried to wrench them out of Amara's hands but she held on fast.

Lance watched with amusement as they began slapping each other, hoping to make the other one let go.

"Reminds me of the time Toad tried to use his cologne"

"Lance we finished stapling and I'm bored can we make out?" said Kitty as she sat down on the bed.

"Don't need to ask me twice" said Lance as he jumped on top of her, narrowly avoiding being hit by a flying Pietro, after a nasty kick by Amara.

"Sucker!" said Amara before taking off with Johnny Depp's underwear

"Hey! Mike Tyson wears a thong!" laughed Bobby

"BOBBY!" came Jamie's voice from downstairs

"What?"

"Can you come and freeze the pool please!"

"Don't need to ask me twice!"

_Downstairs...._

I've gone through everything! But I still haven't found the pictures she took of you!" huffed Jean "I'm the only one who's allowed to have naked pictures of you!"

"We'll find them don't worry" said Scott consolingly as Ray and Roberto threw toilet paper everywhere. "Let's look upstairs"

"FIND THE PICTURES! FIND THE PICTURES! FIND THE PICTURES! FIND THE PICTURES!" chanted a hoard of Jamie's as they ran upstairs

"Find the pictures! Find the pictures! Find the pictures!" shouted Jubilee as she followed them, she noticed Scott and Jean looking at her funny "What? It's fun"

"ROGUE TRASHED THE BATHROOM!" yelled the Jamie's as they ran out of that particular room and into Marsha's bedroom

"KITTY AND LANCE SITTING IN A TREE! K-I-S-S-I-N"

"Get out of here you little twerps!" screamed Kitty as she shoved the Jamie's out and slammed the door shut

"Ok who gave Jamie sugar?" asked Rogue as she and Gambit walked over.

"Probably Roberto" shrugged Jean

"THAT WAS ONE TIME!" came the shout from downstairs

"We bout' done?" asked Gambit

"We still need to find all the pictures!" said Jean quickly

"Me and Kitty found a bunch of them in her car, did you know that Duncan was really how can Ah say this...little?" said Rogue slyly

"Really?" said Scott happily

Jean tossed her hair over her shoulder, "Well duh, why do you think we broke up?"

Scott looked at her in surprise, "I thought it was because you realised we were perfect for each other"

"Of course it was..." said Jean in a tone of voice that was usually reserved for five year olds.

"Were done!" said Bobby as the others all came upstairs, "And it's almost 7, she'll be home in any minute."

The door to Marsha's room opened and a very happy looking Kitty and Lance strolled out. "Have to seen the time? We like, have to get ready for the showdown?" said Kitty matter-of-factly

"Were just trying to find the last of the pictures." Said Jean before she stalked into the room and began rifling through Marsha's things.

"This would be quicker if you all helped!" snapped Jean. The others sighed and then began help.

"You know this would be a LOT easier if you guys hadn't stapled pictures of Bugs Bunny everywhere." Said Scott

"Suck it up ya wuss AND SEARCH!" screamed Jean

"Yes Dear" said Scott meekly

"Ooooooh a lollypop!" said Remy happily before unwrapping it and shoving it in his mouth, "Yummy!"

"Oohh Ah want one!" said Rogue, she sent Remy a big smile as her tossed one in her direction

"What's that smell?" asked Ray

"Wasn't me!" said Jamie quickly

"Urgh....who opened de bag that was over de frog boys boxer's" said Remy in disgust as he through a towel over the offending piece of underwear.

Jubilee hummed to her self as she stood on the bed an reached for a big book on the shelf. She tossed it down along with some others and began to go through them until she found.....

"YAY! NAKED PEOPLE!"

Everyone turned and looked at her weirdly.

"I mean ... goody we found the pictures!" she said hastily before flopping down on the bed and going through its quickly.

"I don't think there's any famous people in this one, just a bunch of guys I've never seen before. Ooooh that one is pretty I'm keeping that one" she said before ripping it out and shoving it in her back pocket

"Let me see" said Tabby as she took the book off Jubilee and flicked towards the back.

"ARGHHHHHHH!" She threw the book away from her and then began to shiver uncontrollably

"Who was it?" asked Rogue, "Was it George Bush again? Cos' Ah'm right there with yah if it is."

Rahne took a big breath and picked up the book and gave the page a quick glance. "Gross! It's Toad"

"EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!" echoed everyone

She flipped back a few pages and grinned. "It's Scott, hahaha ye look so funny, the expression on ye face...." She trailed off as she noticed the other aspects of the photograph

Amara came over, "Scott has his own page..." she flipped over a few more pages so does Lance...and Gambit....Kitty what would your mother say!"

"Dammit I thought I got all of those ones!" said Kitty as the new recruit girls looked over the guys appreciatively.

"Wow!"

The boys tried not to look too happy with them selves as their respective girlfriends tore out the pages and kept them for them selves.

"Yikes Principal Kelly with...is that his secretary!" said Tabby happily

Rogue took the pictures and grinned evilly "Ah think our good principal is going tah be a lot more mutant friendly from now on. Thank you slut!"

"ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOME!" came the shriek from downstairs

"Speaking of sluts..." said Rogue as she whipped out her axe and made her way towards the stairs.

Gambit picked up a baseball bat from a pile near the door.

"Remy think's dis is going to very fun..."

The other all picked up their own baseball bats and followed Rogue down the stairs

"Dammit!" said Lance "I forgot to put cling film on the toilet seat"

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marsha clutched her newly brown-again hair in horror as she looked at her beautiful home in ruins. The ceiling walls and floors were covered in paint, everything had toilet paper on it. Her ming vases were all broken and someone had left the kitchen tap running flooding the whole of the downstairs.

"Like what we did with the place?" came a voice from behind her

Marsha spun around to see Rogue standing there, along with Gambit, Kitty, Lance, Scott, Pietro and Jean, as well as all the kids who kicked her ass at the institute yesterday.

All were holding baseballs bats menacingly, except for Rogue who was twirling her axe around.

"Er...Hello Rogue .." ::twitch:: "...and friends...." Said Marsha nervously. She looked for Gambit and Lance in the crowd. "No pool party?" she said hopefully

"I don't think so petit, see we have a little score t' settle wid y'" said Gambit with a small smirk

"Yeah the pool party is off!" said Pietro as he whisked of to the kitchen, coming back with a spatula in place of the baseball bat.

"I brought strippers?" said Marsha hopefully

"The pool party is back on!" shouted Pietro as he dropped the spatula and noticed the group of girls who were walking in.

"Hey Marsha! What the hell happened to yo' place?" said one girl

Rogue stepped in front of the girls and waved her axe around. "We have a little private business to attend tah, so scram"

"Now, now Rogue don't be so hasty" said Ray as he ran over and extended a hand towards the girls, "Name's Ray"

Pietro zipped over and pushed Ray out the way.

"Hi girls!" he said smoothly

"Hey Pietro!" they all answered as one

"Is there any one in dis town dat boy hasn't slept with?" Gambit asked incredulously

"Er... the X-girls, anyone over the age of 30, and the women who works at the Drug Store cos' she's ugly." Informed Lance

"Hey Petey how come you don't come see me any more" said one of the girls

"Sorry girls been busy, how about we go upstairs and talk about it."

"OKAY!" The girls followed Pietro upstairs

"I'll come too" said Marsha quickly running after them

"Oh you aint going nowhere." Said Rogue pulling her back by the hair

"OWIIE!" screamed Marsha

Rogue let her go and the others formed a circle around her.

"Ah crap!" sighed Marsha as they advanced menacingly

"OWWWW! OUCH! DON'T HIT ME! NOT THERE! OWWW! MOMMY! YOWZA!"

"PIETRO NOW!" screamed Rogue as she got Marsha in a headlock

"Er he's upstairs-"began Jubilee before a blur zipped past her and pulled on a long piece of rope.

Everyone ran out the way as a tonne of day old of fish descended on Marsha's head.

"That really stinks" said Tabitha, pointing out the obvious

"Love to stick around!" said Pietro clad in nothing but his underwear, "But I have some ladies to satisfy..."

"See you in ten seconds then!" snickered Lance as Sam pulled out his camera

"Ladies and Gentlemen I give you fish girl!" he said clicking away as Marsha drunkenly stood up among the pile of fish.

Several of them were caught in her hair, and she spat out the one that was in her mouth.

"That was mean!" she said childishly

"Yeah well don't ever mess with our boyfriends again!" said Kitty

"Or try to scam us!" added Jubilee

"We'll be watchin yah ass from now on. So if yah don't tread carefully..." Rogue slammed her axe into the floor next to Marsha's foot

"Let's go have some dinner Chere!" said Gambit walking up to Rogue and offering her his arm which she took.

"Yeah I'm starved!" said Bobby as they followed them out the door leaving Marsha behind them in a pile of stinking, rotten fish.

"Yeah..." said Marsha to herself after she was sure they were gone, "I think it's time for me to move town again..."

She sighed as she picked her self up. "Least it's over!"

Pietro ran by and smacked her over the head with his spatula, causing her to fall on her face in the fish.

"Ow!"

Rogue came running back in. "Forgot mah axe!"

She yanked it out the floor, hugged it, punched Marsha in the face again then ran off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Payback is fun!" said Bobby happily

"Yeah, you ever need me to T.P. anything just call me." Added Ray

"That was fun and all, but now everything can go back to normal right Jean?" said Scott as he put an arm around her shoulder.

Jean shrugged him off, "That's what you think buster, if you want thing's to be normal between us then you have to do something for me."

"Anything! I just want us to be perfect, like we used to be."

**_Bayville Mall_**

Jean walked to the centre of the food court and held up her megaphone.

"Would everyone please draw their attention to the specially created dance floor!"

Lance trained the camera at the small stage and grinned. This was going to be hilarious.

Scott stepped out from behind a curtain clad in only Jean's Bayville High Cheerleading uniform and stepped on to the stage to a wail of catcalls.

"This is gonna be the best black mail ever!" said Lance happily

"Don't miss a second of dis homme'" said Gambit as he passed Lance some popcorn

Scott tugged his skirt down and looked highly embarrassed.

Jean raised her megaphone again.

"1....2....3.....GO!!!"

Scott sighed and began to dance and sing at the top of his lungs. The things you did for a little booty.

"IF YOU WANNABE MY LOVER... "

* * *

Ah there it is...the final chapter....

Hope you enjoyed it cos it was a blast to write it:) Thanks to EVERYONE who has ever reviewed this fic and gave me inspiration and ideas which worked out beautifully.

Just so you know, Marsha moved to California with Toad, they lived happily ever after....

Review and tell me what ya think!

Ciao

Soulstress


End file.
